Is a lap dance cheating?

So I finally got my husband’s credit card statement and sure enough he did have a $330 charge from the strip club he recently visited ($300 for the lap dance, $30 for the 10% service charge). He swore that he was just drinking and that I was being paranoid again. Is it paranoia when it’s really happening? This dance (and who knows what else) happened with my 22 year old son, no less.

They went together and from what I gather the back room at this establishment is just one big room with benches and everyone can watch everybody else. It makes me want to vomit to think of him watching our child get his groove on with some stripper while he’s getting off at the same time.

All this of course after I finally hear back from the woman who had accessed facebook on my husband’s laptop at 2:45 a.m. when he was on a golf mancation with his buddies out of state. She told me that her and her friend did in fact go to my husband’s hotel room with him and one of his friends but nothing happened. The bar had closed and they had gone up to the room for more drinks.

My husband always has plenty of booze on hand. I have no reason not to believe her when she says nothing happened (she’s half his age), but it still doesn’t negate the fact that he was out trolling for women and something would have happened if he could have made it happen. I can’t think of any good excuse why two men on a golf trip would invite two women (girls, really) they just met in a bar up to your hotel room at 2:00 a.m. unless they were hoping to get lucky. Comments please.

I’m sorry to say but that’s alot of red flags. I think your instinct is right that something might be going on. How is your relationship outside these events? Should you see a marriage counselor?

i agree with falcon. major red flags. sounds like lies of omission to me. what is he not telling you exactly? and frankly, if he’s admitting to this much…blatently showing it to you…on the credit card no less…with your son, what else is happening?sounds like he wants to tell you that this is about to happen…he’s about to cheat…he’s giving you fair warning here…as gross at it is.

To answer your first question, legally, no…lap dancing isn’t cheating. Emotionally, well, that depends on you…what do YOU define as cheating? What’s your line? Some people, merely ogling a fully clothed person in passing is cheating. Others, it’s sexual penetration. And there are all kinds things in the middle, including frequenting an adult entertainment establishment. Now, the fact that he tried to lie and hide the fact that he went there from you tells me that he has a good idea that you would/might consider that cheating. So, again, that’s your line to determine.As to the bringing women up to the hotel room at 2am…yeah, that’s a huge red flag, whether something happened or not. Not a position I would want to find myself in, as a married man. Just best to avoid the appearance of impropriety, so to speak…it looks bad, even when nothing happened.If you’re still hoping to reconcile, you need to start putting limits on him. If I read your profile correctly, he’s already had one affair…one that I’m sure that you are already having trust issues over to begin with, then he does these things? You need to start defining your boundaries with him…deal breakers, if you will. If he goes to strip clubs, has strange women in his room, LIES to you, then these are deal breakers and you will be filing for divorce. Just bear in mind one thing with deal breaker ultimatums…you have to be willing to go through with it…you can’t be bluffing. If you let him get away with it, and don’t file, he will just walk all over you and take your kindness for weakness. If you aren’t prepared to pull the trigger and make excuses for his behavior, then don’t give the ultimatum.Good luck to you…it sounds like you’re going to need it. Keep us posted!!!

It’s in the cheating category for sure. Sadly, I’ve had three affairs in my 18 year marriage where feelings were shared and kissing and cuddling, holding hands, talking for hours, etc and that was really cheating. I’ve grown since then and haven’t done anything like that in 8 years. But, I have got lap dances. Some girls will stroke me over my pants, will position themselves so that her bikini covered vagina is right up against my erection straddling me while she grinds with boobs in my face until I ejaculate. They’ll kiss, let you feel everything on their body, grope, spank, everything but actual penetration basically. It’s a release of sexual frustration because my wife won’t keep me sexually satisfied. She knows what I like and how I like it but she holds out and has to be in control of our sex life, instead of letting me her husband take control. She’s a prude, we have sex 3-4 times a week with one guaranteed BJ (no swallowing) per week, but it’s all on her terms. I have a strong desire to be in charge, I need to dominate, so young 20 year old strippers are my outlet. At least I don’t have side relationships anymore.
Honestly, if my wife would be submissive in the bedroom and let me have my way with her I’d be very happy. Her sex hang ups have ruined an otherwise good marriage bed in my mind.

sex 3-4 times a week!!! and u r complaining???
what I am asking is that frequency what she wants also?