I told my husband I want to separate 2 weeks ago but nothings changed

I have been unhappy for many many years and this isn’t the first time I suggested separating. The difference now is that my youngest son is leaving for college at the end of the school year. In the past I couldn’t bear to break the family apart. This time I am certain it’s what I want. The problem is my husband is an avoider. He would rather tip toe around me and act like everything is fine as long as we do not have to discuss what comes next. It’s hard for me because I love him, he’s a good guy we just don’t have any left to say to each other. I feel trapped and I so desperately want to experience the world on my own for a while maybe forever. I just don’t know how to proceed as ir will require selling the house on top of separating. Advice anyone?

I get that he’s an avoider…I am kinda like that myself.
It’s hard to admit that what you put your life into was not good enough…so avoiding is easier then the real world.

Talk with a therapist. Get yourself grounded first. THAT is very important.

Paul

1 Like

Thanks I actually called a therapist today. I have no doubts about what I want but I do need support. My husband did finally approach me to talk. He asked me if I loved him, if I ever loved him and I didn’t know how to answer. It crushes him. It was hard. I hate to hurt him but I know that I’ve been hurting him for years. All I have to do is be lioving and sweet again and all will be forgotten. That’s the dance we have been doing for years but I can’t do it anymore. I think he’s starting to realize that’s too. Is it possible that divorce can be amicable?

Well yes it can be…but going thru it…EMOTIONS run high and nerves are raw.
I was NOT IN LOVE with my ex and after 10yrs…the marriage imploded.
We now both agreed that we should have waited to get remarried.

I know that you are emotionally empty. BELIEVE me…I know. I have a dear friend who’s in the same thing with her marriage. Kids are 9 &7. Yet the love part of the marriage is over as well as the sex.
I so feel for her.

Do one thing for yourself…treat him with respect. It goes a long way to helping with what is coming.

Paul

Thank you so much. That is really good advice and I will keep it in mind every step in this process.

Just do it then. You don’t need his permission!