I really miss my stepchildren

[niknik]

I have been going to a therapist for a while and have been doing a lot of work. It still breaks my heart the lose of the kids. I know they are resilant but i don' t know what to do with these feeling and where to go from here. I was more of a mother to them then there own mother and father combined.

anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with the lose of your stepkids. please any advise!!!! i try to email i get no response to it. it is to hard to call the house and hear the new girlfriend in my house. Ive sent cards. I know there loyalty is to there father. but the hurt is unbareable at times. it is like a dealth.

[spaznskitz]

nik - you need to let go of those kids - I know it is hard, but for their sake as well as yours...you have to. Stop emailing stop calling. Best suggestion I can make is look into the big brother/big sister program - or any other program in your area that helps disadvantaged kids...bring new children that you can guide into your life but on YOUR terms...You have a nurturing soul...put it to some poistive use.

[shelby72]

I completely understand how you feel. My ex husband has 3 daughters from his previous marriage and I miss them terribly. It is so hard to hear them talk about daddy's new girlfriend and all of the wonderful things they get to do without me. My therapist made a suggestion that I took. I wrote them a letter. I told them that no matter what, I will always love them and always be there for them, but that I had to concentrate on dealing with what happened between their father and me, and concentrate on getting my life settled. I also told them that when I am feeling better, I will reach out to them. I hate to tell you, but as as stepmothers, we have no say anymore what goes on in their lives (I actually had very little say anyway when I was married to their father). All you can do is hope that when they grow up, they will remember the love you gave them, and when the time is right, you will reconnect with them. Good luck niknik.

[Brookeyp]

Honey, a very wise woman once said to me, Let go, or get dragged. I think this applies to you.I've worked in education for longer than I care to admit. I've been really close to and fond of some of the kids I've worked with over the years. No I've never crossed a line, and honestly, all the kids I've worked with are my favorite them, because there will never be another like them. I wonder about how they're doing, and whether or not they've achieved their dreams. I know it can be tough to not have the answers. It has to be enough to know that you've been a part of their lives and to know that you did the best you could with your time with them. I've had a few kids look me up on the internet - they're older now, and we've exchanged e mail addresses. Some have sent Christmas cards and photos of their families. It's nice when it happens, and it may very well happen to you one day with your step kids. You need to step aside and let them live their lives with their parents and new steps. It's hard, but do-able.

[ric3]

I get it...I was very close with my ex-gf's kids, especially her daughter. She was 11 when her mother and I broke up. I didn't say goodbye and didn't have the closure I wanted. But it wasn't something I could really do anything about. She was very close to to my son who had just turned 13. He handled it better than I though I know he was a little upset. You have to let it go. Nothing good can come of it any other way.

[HappilySingle]

I haven't been in your shoes so I can't relate to your situation 100 percent, but any stepchild would be lucky to have you as a parent. I am a child of divorce and can speak to that.

But since you technically don't have legal claim to those children, you will likely have to wait things out until they get to an age where they can reach out to you.

Until then, have you considered finding other ways to connect with children in a way that might be fulfilling for you? It may not replace being a parent, but there are several organizations that are in dire need of adult volunteers to help kids who may lack parental support in their own homes. Or, organizations like the Boys and Girls Club or Big Brothers, Big Sisters could provide a mentorship opportunity for you if you have a lot of love to give.

Beyond that, if you want to be a parent again, maybe sponsoring a foreign exchange student might be something for you to consider. If you're in a place emotionally or financially where you could be a foster parent, that could also be an option. I hope things get better for you.