I filed a temporary protective order..now what?

[wonderwoman]

My husband became violent and although he didn't hit me, he threw things at me and broke stuff while our children were present. He's been violent before but he's been getting out of hand lately with breaking things. I didn't want to do it but there was no way I could return home without some type of intervention.

In two weeks we'll have another hearing and it will determine whether the order gets extended or not. I really don't want him to have a criminal record and I feel terribly guilty for filing the protective order in the first place but I just can't take it any longer and neither can the children.

Does anyone know what happens at the type of hearing coming up? I have a pro bono attorney but she hasn't returned the call I placed to her. It isn't my intention to keep him from the children or cause him harm, but he has to stop having these violent screaming/smashing tantrums. The children are afraid of him and they really don't want him to return but I keep telling them that their dad loves them.

[michelley]

I have my temporary protection order removed after about 2 months. I was like you and didn't want to make him mad or keep the children from him but things just got out of had, drinking was involved and he was cheating, we argued and he tried to choke me. The police took him to jail. The next day I was being wishy washy about getting the protection order but all of my friends and some of the policemen said that if you let a person touch you once then the next time it will get worse. The police have seen this time and time again. So I did the right thing. On the day of his pretrial, the judge advocate and prosecuter asked me what I wanted to do with the TRO. I could keep is for 4 more months (6 total) or go infront of the judge and ask it to be vacated. I did the later. I did it for the kids. In return he has to go to 26 weeks of family violence counseling. When he has completed this he will then go back to court and the criminal charges will be dropped. We have not talked or seen each other since this incident. I know he is angry at me for doing this to him, but I am angry at him for doing this to us and for lying and cheating on me and our marriage. You did the right thing. He needs to get help for the violence. You and the kids deserve to be treated better than this. Good luck.

[dactyl]

Why do you feel the need to protect him from himself still? He needs to put on his big boy pants and realize he has to pay the piper. If you and the kids are afraid of him when he throws tantrums, there is enough reason to keep the kids from him. They don't need to see that. He needs to be smacked down a few notches. He's been allowed to act this way for too long with no consequences. Quit feeling guilty.

[sweetpea04]

You teach your children that there are consequences to their behavior. This is also true for your stbx. Hold his feet to the fire now before he gets completely out of hand and attacks YOU, not just your dishes. Peace...

[Shaz]

Hi. I have the same problem, now am thinking of the protection order but am scared. He has hit me in the past infront of kids and apologised, recently he throw the wedding ring at me infront of the kids and he keeps on shouting at me in front of them. He is abusing me emotionally and I don't know what's next. Now am scared to do a protection order that I will be causing more conflicts about it. In your case, what happened in the 26 weeks, does he still go to work?

[BeautifulP]

Well you have to do what's best for you! It's normal to be scared not knowing the unknown. I was scared I was actually pregnant when I filed mine yet didn't want him to get in trouble and was Thinking about my son and his feelings...so I asked the judge to dismiss it. I was already under stress because I was trying to find housing etc in another state to get away from the covert abuse and etc. but I started missing my son and was told from him yet he'll deny it...that him and my mom wouldn't let me speak with my son unless I told them where I was just to have control! So I just pretended and went back just to be close and near my son, just thinking and focused on my main priority. Beforehand, He would do things to mess with me emotionally, verbally, physically and psychologically and I get blamed and he gets free with no one asking me what happened... he would straight go to I'm crazy, I don't know what I'm talking about I need help and would always use psychological abuse trying to use my mental health etc. He Would call my old mental health provider located near savannah Ga/Hinesville Ga area without me knowing and discuss things I was unaware of...but all this is the typical covert narcissist abuse; Psychological etc!! It was stressful. At first he started doing a few things that had me thinking he loved me and this time things would change...Etc. He can change! yet soon as I didn't go through with the protective order things didn't change. Things got worse. You have to protect yourself and those babies. BeCause he'll start to make you seem crazy, unfit, blaming you for everything, and etc.