A year ago I cheated on my wife with a co-worker. My wife and I separated. My affair ended. My wife took me back. Over the last year my wife has been struggling to heal from my affair. I spent time working on personal weaknesses that I believed caused me to fail as a husband. I neglected the emotional needs my wife needed. She begged for me to fulfill her emotionally. She wanted me to make her feel like she mattered. I had a disconnect. I did not know how to love my wife. I did not know how to receive love from my wife. My wife hit emotional rock bottom. She decided to leave me. When I realized she was leaving something deep inside me awoke. I suddenly became flooded with feelings of love and desperation for my wife. The discconnection I had was gone and I wanted her to give me one last chance. It was too late the trust was broken. My wife no longer believed that I loved her. A few weeks after she left I discovered that she was having a sexual and emotional affair with her boss. I’m devastated. I want my wife. She took me back after my affair and I spent the year neglecting her. I made her feel like she was expendable and I drove her into the arms of another man. I’m willing to contenue to fight for my marriage. It took me going through a year of hell on earth and extreme heartbreak, but I now feel like I have the tools and knowledge to fix my marriage. I just have a sinking feeling like it’s too damaged now.
Sometimes it could be too damaged me being the woman that took him back as well I always feel like it’s going to happen again or so insecure bout our sex life since the other woman was 10yrs younger than him or if he still thinking of her or misses her. The yr you neglected her trust me her mind was spiraling with so many questions she could never answer or understand what she did wrong and she confided in someone else. He gained her trust he help her believe she didn’t need you. But I do think you can still win. There is definitely a lot of proving to do from you
First off I wanna say it takes a man to still wanna fight for his marriage after an affair has been issued to. Forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness is what you’ve portrayed and that’s all fine and dandy but as a man we somewhat deal with things differently. We cheated and is was because we were bored, immature, annoyed with our lady, needed to feel “alive”, wanted to see if we still had the playa ways we once did and etc. She in return, cheated out of anger, feeling emotionally deprived from you, wanted to feel desired again, and etc. I don’t quite think she loved the guy she cheated with. Most of the time it’s not necessarily a love thing. More so of a lust thing. Lust can be cameflouged with desire just to talk or be heard or to feel important and then she(women) find themselves in an affair that truly wasn’t a desire at all now. But will definitely blame YOU for it. “If you would have been there for me I wouldn’t have went to another man”, “You didn’t care about me anyways so it pushed me to another person’s arms” and so on. But you are her husband which still leaves you with authority on your end. Even if she doesn’t want it right now you have the authority to create yourself over again. Even better this time. I’m not trying to preach to you but let me just preach really quick: I think a lot of this confusion and turmoil has to do with you/her not putting Jesus Christ at the center of your relationship. Without God marriage wouldn’t exist anyways. God honors marriage. The enemy doesn’t honor it. The enemy wants to destroy it. Anything good he tries to confuse and end. But God loves marrriage and even though you failed due to cheating as well as your wife God can redeem it all. He can make your marriage stronger than it was prior to the problems that came about. Your wife still loves you. I don’t doubt that. But she’s hurt. Men think more so logically and simple. Women are complexsive. They will hurt from a man’s betrayal much longer and greater than us men will ever. I recommend she gets counseling and if she’s up to it you both get counseling because proper and Godly counseling could be the answer. Some relationships are waaaaaaay worse than yours, trust me. It’s possible for reconciliation but it takes 2. Don’t worry if she won’t come around this second. If you try God, pour out to Him, let Him know the desires of your heart(To fix and restore your marriage completely) and realize that He is able your marriage can be saved. Remain prayerful to God and respectable to her despite her hurt and how she may treat you. True character is defined by how someone acts when things aren’t going their way…Bless up!
I am in a very similar situation. I had an emotional affair with a woman 10 years ago. We never dealt with it, and I neglected her emotionally. I found out in September she was in love, and having an affair with a co-worker. When I found this out I was beyond devastated. The flood of emotions towards her is overwhelming. I don’t think she will give me another chance. I would love to hear an update on your situation. I’ll say a prayer for you.