We have been separated for almost 5 months now and have had the intention of reconciling but have had a few bumps in the road along the way. The separation wasn’t supposed to take this long but he hasn’t been able to focus on what’s important. It’s his own fault. He allowed some unsavory people to stay in our home while I’ve been gone and he had an affair (just talking at first), cut her off, but never blocked the contact so she was able to end up getting in contact with him with apps which upset me when I found out. I’d see the texts she sent and there wouldn’t be a response from him but obviously it would cause confusion when we are supposed to be trying to get back together. They did end up having sex which devastated me. He’s now seen how it has broken me and admitted he screwed up and needs to fix himself. He’s been spending time with me and my daughter having dinners and so far it’s been nice and relaxing. He holds my hand, tells us he loves us and I know he does but he’s so down on himself he can’t break through enough to give himself to us. Our separation was very tough. We were best friends before we fell in love and it was such a natural progression that it wasn’t scary at all to just do it. Our wedding was absolutely perfect and we were the most disgustingly happy couple. But things started to fall apart when I became unhappy at work and let it effect me and the rest of us. It hurt our marriage for a long time and he withdrew. It got worse when he lost his job and never looked for work after. He let me carry that load, his vehicle was repossessed and mine would be next. Still. No job. I hated mine. I resented him for letting me carry the bills alone while he played. Recently he’s been offered a big job and he’s considering it. Possibly. It’s far away and would get him away from the issues here in our town and people he needs to stay away from. And the ones offering are good friends who would keep an eye on him. I told him to take it. I really think it would help his self esteem to be working again and it couldn’t hurt our financial situation since we do share the bills still for some things. But I’m worried if he goes he will forget about what we are trying to accomplish or he will let us go because he won’t want to uproot us to come to him. I’ve already told him not to be afraid to ask for us if he realized he missed us and needed us. I’ve been trying to think positive about things but it’s very tough sometimes because he’s so closed off right now. I told him I just wanted us to be ok again and he said he does too but he has to make himself ok first. Which I understand more than he knows. I just wish he hadn’t wasted so much time after we separated to play around instead of fixing himself like I fixed myself. I love this man and knowing he’s struggling with something bothers me. I can’t help him really. He doesn’t open up at all. He refuses to talk about the affair, he doesn’t like talking about anything that has to do with our issues so I’m trying to be there as his friend right now and let him relax around me. And maybe he will open up eventually. A couple of actual decent friends told me he doesn’t tell them anything either so not to be discouraged. He’s just very depressed and disappointed in how things are right now and wants to fix it. I see us as made for each other. And even if we divorce, I’d say we’d find our way back one day. That’s how powerful our bond has been. And even with the affair, he can’t let me go. I know though that it can’t happen again and he knows if it does that I have to be done no matter what. Does anyone out there think the long distance will help us?