My husband has suffered from depression his whole adult life, although if he knew it, he hid it very well from the outside world. Because of this, he closed himself off to me and the rest of the world, always working or playing on his computer, rarely engaging in family life. I tried couples counseling, but two different therapists told me he needed years of individual therapy before couples therapy would help.
We got married in 2003 and he has been the income earner since then. We filed joint tax returns for his business (he has always been self-employed) and I was mostly a stay at home mom from 2005 on. He earned roughly $80k a year throughout the marriage. We bought a house and acquired plenty of debts, mostly in my name since he had a bankruptcy when we married.
In October of 2009, he sold his internet company for almost half a million dollars. We acquired some assets with the money but did not pay off debts - he wanted me to file bankruptcy and foreclose on the house, so we did. We used some of the money to relocate to southern california and rented a house. We became aware of an opportunity to adopt a biological younger sibling to our adopted daughter shortly after the business was sold. We proceeded with the adoption and the baby was placed with us at birth in January 2010. My husband kept control of our finances and taxes, and gave me money as he saw fit.
In May of 2010, my husband announced the money had been spent. He had no job, I was just opening my own business as a photographer that month. By August we were forced to leave our rental home and all the bills went unpaid. My husband and I separated, I took the children to live in the photo studio I had just signed a 2 year lease on, and we have lived in the back of this commercial building since August of last year, with no kitchen and no shower or bathtub. It's been rough, to say the least. I tried to pretend my husband and I were still together and okay until we could finalize the baby's adoption, but due to the social worker having heavy case loads and dragging her feet, I couldn't pretend long enough and now they know the truth. I am proceeding with the adoption as a single parent, even though I am still legally married.
My husband will not be my son's legal father, but he is my daughter's legal father. So now I'm trying to get my life in order by filing for divorce and bankruptcy and finalizing this adoption. The problem is, my husband is homeless. He sold the last of our possessions to get himself into an apartment which he was soon evicted from when he didn't pay the second month's rent.
During those two months he refused to allow me or the children to stay with him, even though we had no home (unless you count my office building). He has not contributed to the children at all since the separation, and has been diagnosed with depression and accepted into the mental health program of Ventura County. He currently lives in our financed mini van, although the bank keeps calling me trying to locate the van to repo it since he hasn't made payments in months. As far as I know, he isn't looking for work. He doesn't ask to see or even speak to our children, and seems to have no opinion on divorce or any other issues. I just don't know what to do. I'm having such a hard time doing anything legally because I don't have any basic information on him, nor can I get a truthful response.
I try to ask him if he wants visitation and he can't tell me. He has no address, no money, no ambition.... I'm doing my best to support myself and my two young children (5 and 1) on my limited income as a self-employed photographer. So far we are doing okay. My goal is to increase business and income until I can afford to pay rent on the studio AND an apartment. It's going that way slowly.
Does anyone have any advice for me? I just paid for an uncontested DIY divorce thru legal zoom, and couldn't even fill out the questionaires. He has no address, the baby has no social security number yet, we have massive debts and I have a few assets I've retained from the marriage. Do I have to include the assets and debt info in the divorce if it's not contested? Will my husband be asked to pay child support when he's unemployed and homeless? Will he get visitation if he doesn't ask for it?
Can I file taxes if I can't access our marital bank account information that only he had access to before he closed them? I literally know nothing about where he is, if he makes any money, if he hid any money, even if he's mentally sound at all. I don't even know if I can get him to sign the divorce papers.... I don't know how to protect the few assets I've retained (although I don't think he's going to ask for anything of mine). Please help.