I agree with your post. Nobody should have to “put up” with disrespect regardless of your place on the totem pole. I too deal with disrespect from my step daughter- and my DH makes excuses for her behaviour- and finds a way to blame me for it.
My husband does not defend me- he helps paint me in the villainous " wicked step mother role" but the truth is, I love my step daughter- and since I have children of my own- I parent her the same- I don’t believe she get special provisions because she is not from my body- and the same is true for my children towards my husband. I have his back- my kids are not rude or disrespectful of him.
We are a house divided on his daughters side- and I am at a loss. I love my husband- but I refuse to let this get further down the rabbit hole. She is 10…and it’s a situation in both homes- she targets her step parents, and both step parents are at the end of their ropes…I have a great relationship with her mom, and we communicate well. The problem is my husband, and the seemingly " us against the world" he and his daughter have. A blend of narcissism and entitlement. They both believe they are smarter, better and perfect. It isn’t their poor behaviour that is the problem- to them- it’s the way they are, and everyone should just accept it, and deal with it. Ugh