I am writing this post to help other women out there that are in my same situation. It doesn't seem to happen often, but when you are pregnant and your husband walks out on you, it is crushing! I thought I had a good marriage. I know it wasn't perfect, but no marriage is. We had a three year old son and had been trying to conceive a second child for the past year.
When I found out I was pregnant there wan't any excitement from him, but I thought it was just shock. We had just bought a new home a few months prior to this and knew that an addition to our family would be stressful. NEVER would I have thought that I would end up having this baby alone. It was my worst nightmare come true. When I was five months pregnant, I found out my husband had been cheating on me for almost a year with the same "friend" (he openly admits this).
This "woman" was still married (separated for 4 years) and had three children of her own. She was well aware that I was pregnant and for some reason kept on pursuing my husband with no regard for my feelings. I'm sure my husband had convincing lies since he was able to keep his double life from his own wife for almost a year without getting caught. I can't explain how heart wrenching it is to have to read emails and text messages he forgot to delete from our computer that declared their "endless" love for each other. They spoke of their cold meetings at her mothers vacant house and that alone left images that could scar any woman. I'm still baffled as to what kind of people could do this to a pregnant woman.
If there was a problem with our marriage I wish he would have spoke to me and not relied on another womans shoulder to cry on. He always told me his unhappiness stemmed from his loss of his mother at a young age. I trusted him and would have never thought an affair was the underlying cause of his depression. The day I put the pieces of the puzzle together and confronted him, he was able to look into his pregnant wife's eyes (married for 5 years at the time) and tell me he no longer loved me and had fallen in love with his friend.
When I asked him if he had been intimate with her, he honestly answered that he indeed was and had been meeting her for a year when he claimed he was going to the gym (every saturday and sunday morning and a few days during the week). I was crushed. Finding out your husband was cheating is hard enough, but to be pregnant on top of it all, I was devistated. I honestly didn't know what to do or say. He asked me what I wanted him to do and I simply said "why should that matter now". He asked if he should leave and I told him that was his decision. He decided to leave that night and hasn't been home since. He moved his belongings out the week of christmas and currenlty lives with his father. I began staying with my parents so they could help me with my son since I was so pregnant.
During the rest of my pregnany he sued me for custody of our son and put the added stress of court and child support on me with no regard for my feelings or health. He never once tried to contact me during the remainder of my pregnancy. My sweet mother did all of the custody swaps for me for those few months since looking at him and still knowing I wanted the man I married to come home was heart wrenching. I went on to carry our daughter to term and had to go to the hospital the day of my scheduled C-section alone and in tears. My mom literally had to push me out of the car and convince me that this wasn't just a nightmare. I was a married woman and never thought I would be put in such a tough situation. But I was, and I knew I owed it to my daughter to be strong.
Yes, he finally called me the night before her scheduled birth to ask if he was welcome in the delivery room. I gave him another opportunity to appologize for what he did, but he still had no remorse or regret. He told me that if he were given a chance to change what happened, he still wouldn't since he found his soulmate out of the situation. I decided not to allow him in the delivery room. I wasn't able to lay there knowing I was giving birth to OUR child when I knew his heart belonged to another woman. That was BY FAR the toughest day of my life. A day that I should cherish will always be remembered for the tears of pain I shed all day long. He was able to visit the baby after I came out of recovery. During this time I was sick from the surgery and vomiting. He was able to sit there and just look at me and not even mutter a word to me. NOT A WORD the entire day. He was so heartless that he was able to sit there holding the daghter he walked out on and look at, HIS WIFE, the woman responsible for bringing that prescious life into this world and feel NO remorse.
From what I was told, he even went as far as to tell his girlfriend that he wasn't sure it was even his baby. WOW, what hurt! This was coming from the only man I have even been itimate with in my life and he knows this. Deep down I wish I knew all of the lies he was telling her that would make her able to justify her actions. Yes I was put trough a living hell. I will admit that there wasn't a day that went by during the remainder of my pregnancy that I didn't cry. There were so many points that I just wanted to give up. I couldn't see a future. But I am very proud! I did it with the love and support of my family! However with the legal system as it is, my story doesn't end there. He is now able to sue me for 50/50 custody of both children.
He refuses to help me pay the unreimbursed medical expenses for the babies birth, but he wants custody of her. He took me to court to lower the support amount and won. I am now left as a single parent and he was able to walk away from our mortgage and household expenses and is not liable to pay anything toward either. I was held responsible for ALL of the birthing expenses. He abandoned me and I am responsible to pay our entire mortgage alone. He lives for free with his dad, but is not held responsible to pay our joint mortgage. I feel that our children deserve to at least have something stay the same in their lives, so I continue to sacrafice and make the payments alone so I can keep them in the home that are use to living in. I just wanted to share my story since I found it so hard to find someone I could relate to when I was going through all of this.
I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone and I want to be there to share my experience with any other mother that has been delt this awful hand in life. I would love to hear from his "friend" someday since he claims that they are no longer together. But how am I suppose to believe him now if he was able to lie to me for so long? Anyway, I hope this helps at least one hurting woman out there.
Please contact me if you need support! I am here and willing to help and listen. I truly believe that things happen for a reason and that God has a plan for my life and my children's lives. I am just led to believe that his actions will be a blessing in the future. I pray that this will be a blessing in disguise and fully believe that you reap what you sow. I know that I have an honest heart and have lived up to my vows. I can go to bed each night and know that I have nothing to hide and my children will always be proud to call me their mom. I will NEVER do anyting that I wouldn't want my children to know or witness and that is how I will continue to live. Someday I truly believe that my husband will realize what he lost and regret the pain he caused the one person who truly loved him and was always on his side.