I think I see why you two are divorced. The entire tone of your post is that you're upset that you can't control him anymore. You may believe he really doesn't deserve anyone's help, but she married him, so obviously she thinks differently. Most married couples do help each other. It's great that you can acknowledge that she is good to your kids. As the others have stated here, if you have a problem with anything she does or says around your kids, you need to take the step to reach out to her. Don't expect her to be a mind reader and reach out to you. That is not fair to either of you.I'm worried about your phrase It's like she's afraid of me and what I will tell her about him. If you want to talk about legitimate concerns for your children when they are in her care, by all means, call her. However, if you want to trash him, please don't. She won't care. She probably already suspects what your opinion of him is. After all, you two are divorced. If you got along, you'd still be married. She understands this. By trashing him, you'll only make yourself look bad.