HI. I'm willing to accept private messages from anyone going through this as I am dealing with this myself and could use some support or someone to vent with. I see the original poster posted this in 2017. I wonder how OP is doing now.
My story is very similar except I have no children of my own. The knowledge that my husband cheated and produced a child with someone else completely tore my world apart and led me into a deep depression that I am still dealing with. The pain and trauma is much less now than it was 3 years ago but it is still a daily emotional struggle for me.
To all of you who are going through this and have just made your discoveries, please expect that you will be dealing with this pain for a while but take comfort in the fact that time will slowly but surely heal you. Don't try to sweep the pain under the rug, deal with it fully and completely. You will come out of it much stronger and will have the ability to forgive and move on.
After 3 years of discovering the affair and baby I still struggle with how unfair it is that if we do stay married and have a child together, my first child will never be his first child like I had planned. He doesn't see the affair baby in person very often but the other woman video chats with him and the baby and sends pictures. He brags about how pretty and smart the affair baby is and it absolutely kills me. If I do stay with him and we have a child together will my baby be second best? Will my baby be less special to him if he/she doesn't measure up to his other child? I wonder if I should even bother having any children at all.
When we were dating my husband told me that he only wanted one child and hoped she would be a girl. He got what he wanted, just not with me.
The only thing that is helping me to survive is 1. My faith in Jesus Christ, 2. My refusal to be a victim in this situation.
To everyone struggling with this, no matter what, always remember that you are not responsible for the affair. It was your own husband's weakness and inability to communicate with you that led to this but you can still work on improving yourself and focus on living your best life. Your pain is real and will last for a while but you can overcome this by living your life as a survivor. Claim your recovery today.
Despite what you are going through, you still have a life to live, so make a plan to live your best life while you work through this difficult time. You are not a victim. You are a strong, capable, powerful woman who will recover from this in time.
