Husband and I have been separated for almost 10 months now. He is the one who initiated it and moved out of the house. We also have 2 young kids. We have gone to counseling a few times together and also separately, although we haven’t been for the last month. Sessions have gone ok and he tells the counselor that he is willing to do it and give it an honest try, but his actions seem to tell me he is just doing it to make me happy.
So that at the end of the day, he can say ‘well I tried…’ although it doesn’t feel like he’s really making an effort to really try to change our situation. I have been living my life in limbo forever it seems while I patiently wait for him to figure out what he wants. He says he is trying to see if he has any feelings left for me and if he can make that connection again.
Real hard to do when he isn’t even living here anymore. Our interactions consist of taking care of kids, going to practices, etc. When I try to discuss our relationship I am met with heavy sighs and disgust from him as if he is thinking ‘oh here she goes again with this relationship stuff again…’ I was told last time that he would rather discuss our relationship during our counseling sessions only and it doesn’t really help to discuss it outside of that. Problem is, we haven’t gone since June.
So what he is saying is I am only allowed to discuss “us” for one hour sessions every month or two months. And that somehow is going to bring us closer together? Everything has been on his terms, his conditions and I am made to feel paranoid and insignificant everytime I try to bring anything up. What is wrong with trying to get some answers.
If it weren’t for the kids, I would’ve given him the finger a year ago and said I don’t need this. I have a few close friends and my sister that say you don’t deserve this, maybe you should consider moving on because clearly he is not worthy of you anymore and you deserve to be treated with love. Seems he is just going through the motions. He is also an attorney and some are worried that he probably has his ducks in a row and is just waiting for me to become so frustrated that I file for divorce so he can be the good guy.
I am worrried that if I file I will somehow be the one who gets screwed over concerning alimony or spousal support. I am still interested in counseling, but shouldn’t both partners be committed 100% to saving the marriage?