How long is too long to be separated? What was your final breaking point?

Husband and I have been separated for almost 10 months now. He is the one who initiated it and moved out of the house. We also have 2 young kids. We have gone to counseling a few times together and also separately, although we haven’t been for the last month. Sessions have gone ok and he tells the counselor that he is willing to do it and give it an honest try, but his actions seem to tell me he is just doing it to make me happy.

So that at the end of the day, he can say ‘well I tried…’ although it doesn’t feel like he’s really making an effort to really try to change our situation. I have been living my life in limbo forever it seems while I patiently wait for him to figure out what he wants. He says he is trying to see if he has any feelings left for me and if he can make that connection again.

Real hard to do when he isn’t even living here anymore. Our interactions consist of taking care of kids, going to practices, etc. When I try to discuss our relationship I am met with heavy sighs and disgust from him as if he is thinking ‘oh here she goes again with this relationship stuff again…’ I was told last time that he would rather discuss our relationship during our counseling sessions only and it doesn’t really help to discuss it outside of that. Problem is, we haven’t gone since June.

So what he is saying is I am only allowed to discuss “us” for one hour sessions every month or two months. And that somehow is going to bring us closer together? Everything has been on his terms, his conditions and I am made to feel paranoid and insignificant everytime I try to bring anything up. What is wrong with trying to get some answers.

If it weren’t for the kids, I would’ve given him the finger a year ago and said I don’t need this. I have a few close friends and my sister that say you don’t deserve this, maybe you should consider moving on because clearly he is not worthy of you anymore and you deserve to be treated with love. Seems he is just going through the motions. He is also an attorney and some are worried that he probably has his ducks in a row and is just waiting for me to become so frustrated that I file for divorce so he can be the good guy.

I am worrried that if I file I will somehow be the one who gets screwed over concerning alimony or spousal support. I am still interested in counseling, but shouldn’t both partners be committed 100% to saving the marriage?

I didn’t allow myself a breaking point…I too wanted answers.He was unhappy - our marriage counsellor is the one whopointed out to us the ball is in his court. He didn’t see it thatway. I had choices…I didn’t because my choice to work thingsout wasn’t one of the choices on the table. But he wanted meto think that. He was secretly hoping I would give up and file.He wanted me to file so he could say she divorced me. Iwanted him to file because he is the one who didn’t want towork things out - his actions and words weren’t matching andthe only way he could prove what he wanted to me was to actaccordingly. I knew he had given up, and eventually he gave inand came to terms with filing. I don’t suggest going this route,but I completely understand from my personal perspectivewhy anyone would.You’re blog really got to me…I gave up too much of myself andmy life doing things the way I did. Reading what you wrote brokemy heart all over again and I cried. I thought about what yousaid and felt your pain. Understand he doesn’t carry the torchunless you give it to him. You have choices - I wish you all thebest.

My breaking point was watching my MIL die-- in a family with people who couldn’t manage to put their own needs and wishes on the back burner log enough to care and love her the way she deserved. and when did step got ■■■■ for it. I promised myself was not going to live and die that way!!Now am surrounding by loving kids who will be amazing adults and who do/ will help me when need them.Someone here once posted-- it’s time to go when the bad memories in our head overwhelm tohe good. trust me, when it’s time you will just knowm god bless

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Im some what going through the same situation. He tells me he needs time because we were having issues in our relationship minor ones, but he says he’s stressed with personal issues and I wouldn’t help with all the nagging. But recently he tells me he’s been confining I two females which hurted so it sparked a fight in which he said he was tired and didn’t want to be with me no more. I’m like lost in the limbo In what to do. It’s only been two months since he left, he doesn’t want to talk or anything

My separation was relatively short because she had cheated on me but only told me she didn’t love me like she used to and wanted to separate. She denied there was anyone else. I knew better and confirmed it 11 days later. She would not talk to me and anytime I asked whether she wanted to work on us she said, maybe. I got pretty sick of her pining for her former affair and said that she had the same amount of time to give me an answer as she did with her affair, three months. So at the end if that time and with me finding out all that had happened, not directly from her but from her speaking to someone else, she said she didn’t want to work on us. I filed the next Monday.

Trust in God in he will lead you in the right direction! God is the only one that can change his heart and mind. Marriage is a life time relationship.

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I’ve been separated since the end of October. We said it was in order to give it a chance to work but shortly before we split I found out he’d been talking to someone who I not only knew but had worked with. He admitted to it but said it was over and he felt awful. I was made to move out of our home, with my daughter and had to come to my parents home. I had no job, neither did he, he still doesn’t after 2 years but I’m once again working. I’ve paid the bills, he’s not repaid me one cent. I did begin to realize my own faults and started to repair them. And he began to notice. We got closer and a couple of weeks ago on my birthday he proposed we start seeing each other and during spring break while my daughter was gone, I’d come home to stay with him for a trial run. I’ve bern there for him while he was sick, helped him with money, shared my good times and bad with him over these months. He tells me he will call and seems to forget every time. The day before what was to be our week together I was supposed to meet with him to discuss it. But when I got there, his vehicle was there but he wasn’t. And there was a satin robe in the bed. Next thing I see is her car, the one he’d said he left behind, pulling in with him in the passenger seat. He gets out and tells me he wants her. I slapped him. After a few hours I returned to a different story. He says he lied because he felt like a piece of trash and had to hurt me with untrue statements to make me go. Now he says he loves me, never stopped and wants us to have a chance but he needs to change his life around and needs space. He said he will drop her for good but I’m not sure he will or even has. I’m in pure Hell at my parents house. They are horrible people. I’m trying to save up some money now so I can rent a place with my daughter and just let him figure it out. Am I doing the right thing? He still picks her up at school for me and occasionally has her come to the house after school with him and I’ll get her when I leave work. I do know he loves us. That’s never been an issue. But I can’t be in limbo anymore. This was supposed to be 30 days. Now we are working on 5 mo this apart.

He playing both sides you and her. He is a selfish individual and only think of himself. I know you dislke being at parent house, But at least you have a roof over you and your child head. Come up with plan to get a pace for you and child. It time to get off od merry go around.

Im filing for divorce. I have it all arranged and I got a space to put my belongings. Hes got her staying in our house half the time and once the filing is done she is being evicted until its final.

This just hit me hard… I’ve been married 6 years together 10… We have 5 children… And he moved out in May its been the longest 3 months of my life I can only imagine how you feel waiting this long but I wanted to say thanks because this comments really help… I know the man that loves me is this there… He is lost and refuses that we or even him need help… He is ready to just walk away from it all and that I can’t understand at all… I’m not sure where this all will end up but I just have faith that God will put me in the path I need to go