I just signed up here while googling things like how long can a sexless marriage last, ot why I am so depressed.
Then I saw that I am really not the only one in that situation.
I would love to get some advice from anyone.
I got remarried 4 years ago, we both could not keep away from each other after we met online: Chatting, laughing. Having sex once or twice a day, I thought I was going to be happy for life (I guess we both thought) and we got married.
2 years later she got pregnant and had a miscarriage after 1 month. We were both very affected by it as we wanted this baby badly. From that time her interest in sex went down to nothing. 3 years later I still have a very high libido (would have sex with her everyday if she let me) but she has none, and would not do anything intimate that would make me feel that she cares about this need of mine.
She has no interest in sex and does not get turned on at all anymore, but refused to mention it to her obgyn when I mentioned it. Now this is a taboo subject.
I don’t want to sound selfish. I give her all the kind of love I can, buy her presents, help her with anything, take her on vacation trips, put my clothes back on to get her food late at night with no hesitation, and I am not doing that to get something in return, but just because I care about her.
She sometimes does things for me like cooking but she does not want to understand that intimacy with her is what I need the most. She even gets mad every time I bring it up. Now I go to sleep way after her, around 2am and stay in bed late in the morning as I am always depressed and don’t want to join her in a sexless bedroom nor wake up in a sexless marriage.
I have been thinking a lot about cheating on her but I know that would be the end of us at some point and I don’t want to lose her.
We were in this circle where we were both content, so our libidos were high, so we would have sex, then she would see me happy and fulfilled, then she would get attracted to me, then we would have sex again, and be always in a good state of mind.
Now we are in this circle where she does not want to have sex, so I try to hide that I am depressed (she wants me to be “stronger than that and not depend on sex to have a relationship with her and be happy regardless”, which is where I think she is missing something), then I force myself to be happy regardless, and take her out to the restaurant, etc ... but when I come home, wanting to express my love to her with intimacy, I remember that I am not allowed to show any kind of sexual interest, so my mood changes and I look sad even when I am trying not to, then she sees that and negative tension builds up between us again, and of course then sex is even less an option, which is wasn’t to start with. So I try to stay away from her to not get attracted because I still love and want her. And I stay up late when she goes to bed. And then it goes on ...
I am feeling hopeless. This sexless marriage is not what I signed up for. I don’t want to make a stupid mistake and lose her though. Any advice?