How long can a marriage go without sex?

[ddsigvertsen]

EXACTLY she is not inlove or staying any longe4 than she has too with you!

[ddsigvertsen]

Run she isnt going stay with you...i know this 4 sure when she finds anyone else who can give her more...you are so left behind...women dont sleep with men there married too for One reason only....you wont like the truth but its the only thing that will be real....get over it as fast as sou can...she ALREADY gone

[Robert]

14 years .. Since the birth of our 1st and only child 14 years ago my wife and I have not had any sex. Apparently it is too painful for her to have intercourse. During the 1st few years I believed her and encouraged her to get it "checked out", which she regularly promised to do but never did. I love my wife dearly and have never strayed, or even wanted to stray, but after 14 years I'm thinking that it might be all in her head. Either that or she just doesn't want sex anymore. We stopped having sex when she was 28 and she is now 42.

Just in case anyone is wondering, she is not and has not had any sort of affair with anyone else. We live our lives in each others pockets, literally 24/7.

I suppose I am not really looking for someone to give me an answer, I'm "okay" with the way things are, I have to be.

[frustrating]

Going on 7 years here. Very frustrating. I love my wife and don't want to be with anyone else but it's becoming very difficult to continue to be faithful...

[Luv2trvl3]

KYKY I am in the same situation and what you shared about trying to understand the why your husband is not interested is what I have gone thru too. I have looked thru cell phone bills (itemized), checked his phone ( which sickens me to do) and I find nothing. However, I have caught him in a few conflicting stories of his whereabouts...he has been retired since the end of October and I still work. Prior to that his employment provided a lot of latitude. The last few years I feel like he is playing me. He has a lazy attitude toward lovemaking and I feel this is why he is not interested in sex or on a regular basis. My husband likes to be quick. I always feel like I am on a clock to have an orgasm. Sometimes this frustrates me and I don’t have one or because if his robot technique and no passion I reall don’t enjoy the orgasm I have. He stopped performing oral sex on me because it hurts his neck because it takes so long. It takes so long because he just dives down there like it is a chore to finish. Very little kissing and caressing. I try to suggest new things and liven it up but it always feels awkward with him. I still give him oral. I used to enjoy that but now I resent it and do it to speed things up. I have mentioned sex positions we should try for more pleasure for both of us but he goes for the same. The older he gets the worse he is in bed and does not care what I need. We have talked about it and he says it is just sex. We went to a counselor too.

[_not_today1234]

Very happy to have found this site by the way...some of these stories are crazy, but also very real. It's nice to see that I am not the only one going through things as well. I have been married for 3.5 years and everything seemed to be going fine. We had a baby about 4 months ago, but right after the baby, our marriage turned to crap. We started arguing all the time, not having sex and my husband was even saying he wasn't happy because he thought I was trying to control him. Well now that things are getting better, we still haven't had any sex. I tell him that its not right to not want to have sex, but he says that with everything that was going bad in our marriage, it made him not want to have sex. I just think that's the stupidest thing I've heard. It's been about a month, and we still haven't had sex and he still has not made an appt with our counselor like he was supposed to. I've started to see things differently and pull away from him, because I don't like the feeling of not being wanted. I've even started trying to plan my life without him. I really love my husband, but because he started this mess, now I have began to pull away as well. He wants me to wait around for him to get over his feelings, but I don't know if I can do that. I just wanted us to at least have sex, but now I don't know if I want too anymore.

[Sally4568]

I feel for what/who you are living with! 10+ years no sex, divorce papers delivered without discussion in a parking deck after work on a Friday at age 51. A bitter, vengeful divorce followed after nearly 25 years of 'marriage". Nearly 2 years until he agreed to settle 50/50. We married as healthcare professionals in our mid-late 20s in 1983. He since remarried; I am not actively looking! I wish I had listened to my younger sister who told me M was mean to our youngest sister during miniature golf. We (I) tried counseling; homework was never done by him. Counseling without effort was a pointless waste of time and money! In retrospect, I just wish he had filed sooner (or I had). I lost nearly 28 years of my life being his cook, laundress, and maid. I may decide to marry again but my heart and mind are still set on staying alone with my doggie who loves me unconditionally! She doesn't ask much, never lies, greets me at the door when I return home, etc. As long as she and I stay healthy, I do not need or want a man! Too much trouble and heartache! Living alone sharing a bed with an absent husband whose mind was elsewhere is no way to live! I now make supper whenever I want, go to sleep when I get tired, don't plan around his family's events or unannounced knocks on the front door, and many more conveniences! I am not child-less; I was the eldest of 7 and decided to be child-free. At least no children suffered through his divorce. He spent hours in his man cave on Facebook; perhaps that's how he "met" and married his bride so quickly after the divorce was final in 2013. Check out a song called "Owner of a lonely heart" by Yes. I live by that. I would rather be lonely and alone than have a broken heart again. I may open my heart and mind someday to someone who has told me he would like that. But that is still far off from now for me. Best of luck with your situation. Far be if for me to give advice but you are young, have many years ahead of you and only you can decide what will make them what you want those years to be!

[OrangeFLOOR10]

oh my word this raises the position i have been in for nearly 45 years. I had already reached the point of questioning my confidence , self esteem, manliness and life itself. Just before our wedding i found out my then g/f had for three months running up to our wedding day an emotional and physical affair with a co worker who was 17 years her senior married and 2 children.

she acted devastated - i now realise that was because she was caught but she used me like a life boat and even made me speak with her lover who pleaded her virtues as "you got a good one there" well he would know wouldn't he. I have never got the full story from my now wife and of course she forgets everything now. funny thing is i recall it all like it was yesterday. What i do know from others is much much more than my wife will ever say, the guy was a well known jigalow with a body and well endowed. her sister in law with whom she had a close relationship warned her and revealed their talks with me it was a terrible time i was alone naive humiliated embarrassed and knew i was sexually incompetent at the time. but i loved her to bits she was who i wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

we married and from that day forward she played me well - for first 20 years she never worked but we did have kids 5 in all and i was finacially a wizz kid done good so all the kids went to private schools 2 were boarded and she wanted for nothing. but in the bedroom i can tell you honestly in 30 years we had intimacy only 180 times at the most so my potency was high in the last 15 years we have been intimate maybe 15 times but nothing in last six. its not for the want of my trying i would have had sex 5 times a week and still would with her but she never initiated or wanted it, always excuses. 12 years ago she said she wanted to go to uni so i helped her get there she got a new lease of life and i suspect when she stayed away during the week got more than just learning, even at her age. anyway she graduated with honours and a 1;1 she now works at a high level and earns well. lately i tried to re-engage our sex life but you would have thought i asked for her life i was soundly rebuked and told that she was not interested in sex never had been and to "get it".

she now says she is embarrased about sex and does not like me seeing her naked, this is after 45 years.

yes i wrote this to vent but also to say that the first opportunity to get out of a toxic relationship "take it" because there must be many many more partners out there you simply have not met. at my age 68 i see divorce or seperation as only penalising myself further cos i have great grand kids and they are now my joy and am not willing to interfere with my time with them, so i will simply continue to live miserably.

sorry i went on a bit but believe me this is the short form

[curiouslysad]

I have been married for 2.5 years. Our sex life dwindled before marriage but once was really good. Now we have not had sex in 18 months. No children, no illness, she said she just doesn't feel it. Do I leave? I have met someone that I have been having an affair with, this woman is wonderful, but sent me back into my marriage to find out why there is no sex. Said she couldn't see me until i worked it all out once and for all. I feel sad, I love my wife, but she makes every excuse, the arguments stop as soon as i stop asking for sex, when i ask she argues with me. Do I leave? do i try and work this out? She blamed me when i asked. Help

[Jas]

I’ve been with my wife for 24 years, married for 23 of them. We’ve not had sex for 7 years now. As personalities we are poles apart. She is analytical, calculating and precise. I’m a wear your heart on your sleeve type of person.

It’s breaking my heart that she ignores me sexually. She has put on loads of weight, but I still tell her that I love her. It’s not worked and I fear that we’ll never have sex again. I’ve been faithful to her, but I’m missing the hugs and cuddles that are associated with sex and love.

I think I’m heading for a divorce or an affair aren’t I?

[FromParis0]

I just signed up here while googling things like how long can a sexless marriage last, ot why I am so depressed.
Then I saw that I am really not the only one in that situation.
I would love to get some advice from anyone.
I got remarried 4 years ago, we both could not keep away from each other after we met online: Chatting, laughing. Having sex once or twice a day, I thought I was going to be happy for life (I guess we both thought) and we got married.
2 years later she got pregnant and had a miscarriage after 1 month. We were both very affected by it as we wanted this baby badly. From that time her interest in sex went down to nothing. 3 years later I still have a very high libido (would have sex with her everyday if she let me) but she has none, and would not do anything intimate that would make me feel that she cares about this need of mine.
She has no interest in sex and does not get turned on at all anymore, but refused to mention it to her obgyn when I mentioned it. Now this is a taboo subject.

I don’t want to sound selfish. I give her all the kind of love I can, buy her presents, help her with anything, take her on vacation trips, put my clothes back on to get her food late at night with no hesitation, and I am not doing that to get something in return, but just because I care about her.
She sometimes does things for me like cooking but she does not want to understand that intimacy with her is what I need the most. She even gets mad every time I bring it up. Now I go to sleep way after her, around 2am and stay in bed late in the morning as I am always depressed and don’t want to join her in a sexless bedroom nor wake up in a sexless marriage.
I have been thinking a lot about cheating on her but I know that would be the end of us at some point and I don’t want to lose her.
We were in this circle where we were both content, so our libidos were high, so we would have sex, then she would see me happy and fulfilled, then she would get attracted to me, then we would have sex again, and be always in a good state of mind.
Now we are in this circle where she does not want to have sex, so I try to hide that I am depressed (she wants me to be “stronger than that and not depend on sex to have a relationship with her and be happy regardless”, which is where I think she is missing something), then I force myself to be happy regardless, and take her out to the restaurant, etc ... but when I come home, wanting to express my love to her with intimacy, I remember that I am not allowed to show any kind of sexual interest, so my mood changes and I look sad even when I am trying not to, then she sees that and negative tension builds up between us again, and of course then sex is even less an option, which is wasn’t to start with. So I try to stay away from her to not get attracted because I still love and want her. And I stay up late when she goes to bed. And then it goes on ...
I am feeling hopeless. This sexless marriage is not what I signed up for. I don’t want to make a stupid mistake and lose her though. Any advice?

[FromParis0]

You may. I am in the same situation (see below).
But it sounds like cheating is never a good idea, not to mention the risk of catching something you could regret for life.
Believe me I am playing with this idea a lot myself but still have hope.
Suffering as I type this response ...

[Lonely1_SLC]

Hi. I read your post and feel like its almost exactly like my situation. But in this case, I am the guy. Has your situation gotten better? If so, what had to happen for everything to come back into play?

[Lonely1_SLC]

I am wondering if your situation improved and if so, what happened?

[Lonely1_SLC]

I'm a guy going through the same exact thing. My wife is a sexual cactus. No sex for 11 months now. I hope you're doing better now.

[Lonely1_SLC]

Call me. Seriously. I have a lot to say. Maybe we could help each other. I. An at 301 days.

[feelingloss]

My marriage ended as a result of my ex wife's struggle to feel sexual toward me. We did years of therapy and we tried and she went through the motions of having sex but it felt bad because she was forcing it. We both were sad about it. We worked on ourselves in our therapy trying to become the best people we could be. Unfortunately she couldn't change the way she felt and I couldn't handle the rejection after years with the struggle. Love was not enough to keep us together. The sexual rejection was intolerable for me. Our sons were 5 and 9 when we split. Its 12 years later and we both still feel loss of our family. I thought those feelings of loss would go away. I loved having a family. All I can say is that disappointment is part of the human experience. And its painful sometimes.

[Daahkness]

I would really like to hear an update on this story because I'm going through the EXACT same thing

[Amor]

I am wondering the same. My husband of 16 years could care less about intimacy and affection. He is great at arguing and reminding me constantly that he is the breadwinner. I decided to pursue my RN degree after working 10+ years as a Certified Medical Assistant. We have 2 kids. Needless to say, school, kids, and work didn’t mix well together. The classes require a lot of study time. I’m constantly expected to be this perfect little house wife at all times. The criticizing has killed the intimacy for me. I can’t be attracted to someone who pushes me away, doesn’t value my need for intimacy and romance. I’m not the needy type. I feel lonely not being able to be accepted for myself. I’ve expressed this before, but get told I’m ungrateful. Spending money on someone does not replace affection. My love for my kids keep me from pursuing others. I love them to much to hurt them or take time away from them.

[feelingloss]

Hi Darkness. Not so sure there is any happy ending to my story. It was hard being in the relationship. And its been hard being single for the last 12 years without a partner. I struggle with dating so feeling alone and the loss of my family and kids not being around all the time (especially holidays when they were younger) were painful. I got used to the pain and suffer through it. I connected well with other divorced people who experienced loss. Looking back, as hard as our relationship was with all the rejection I would say the rejection from my ex wife was less painful than being single and alone and watching my ex wife date other men after we were divorced. If I were to do it over again I would rather have a sexless marriage and find what my ex wife couldn't give to me outside the marriage. If that sounds messy it probably is. splitting up is probably your best option if you feel confident you can find future long term relationships. Unfortunately, I was not able to. Still working on it swiping right and going on dates but nothing long term or sustainable. Still single.