I am not happy to see people having it worse than me....some way worse. But at least I know I am not alone.
We have been married almost 18 yrs and have 2 wonderful children. When we dated our sex live was pretty good. But for rhe last 15 yrs it has been sporadic ar best. Sometimes when I am “lucky” we have sex once a month, other times we go a couple yrs. “We” are now on a 6 month dry spell. 99% of the time I initiate sex, and 99% of the time I am shot down. And when we do have sex its one position and only on the bed in our room. That is her call...not mine. I light candles, play music, go to dinners. Do all sorts of stuff for her without being asked, and take care of most the house work. I constantly tell her how sexy she is, and how much I want her and love her. I do my beat to treat her like a princess. She is very standoff-ish with me. I feel like I am trying very hard to make things work. I feel like she treats me like less than her, like I am a child.
Recently I went to see a therapists and was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I started medication for it. And the therapist told me that maybe everything isnt my fault, and I need to stop blaming myself.
I feel like I am thinking more clearly now. The therapist wanted her to come too a meeting but she refuses to go. It might be time to leave her. I think if it wasnt for the kids I would have already. So I have considered finding an FWB. I dont want to hurt her, but at this point I dont think she would care. I know if she found out she would be hurt. But how can see not see what the lack of affection and intimacy is doing too me and our marriage?