Met my wife in college, been together for 24 years, married for 21 this month, and have four kids, from 18 to 11. Same as a lot of people here, we had sex like bunnies at first. That tapered off, and for the first ten years of our marriage, I was rejected every single time I tried to initiate intimacy. Playful pinches, squeezes or rubs were met with "don't" and "sick" and a disgusted face. Sex happened when she wanted it, and she only wanted it to make children. Hell, we have our twins because I was so sex starved, nine years into our marriage that I wanted sex and didn't care if we had kids from it.
But, after ten years of rejection, I stopped trying. I haven't tried to initiate sex in years. Being rejected more times in my life by the one person in the world that's supposed to be close to me conditioned me to just not even try. I watch a lot of porn. We have sex maybe once a year, and I think it's just out of guilt on my wife's part. It isn't very good when it happens because we're both out of practice and uncomfortable.
In the past couple of years, I mostly feel disgusted with myself that I even have any carnal desires, and the thought of being intimate with another person seems sort of gross, and distasteful. I mean, why would I rely on someone else for something that personal? In the cruelest twist...my wife says she misses sex, but never seems to follow up on that. It's just words.
I love my wife, and my kids. I'm too principled to ever seek an affair, and I don't want a divorce, and I don't want a sexless marriage. Well, I guess that's at least ONE way that I'm thoroughly f****d.