How long can a marriage go without sex?

[kyle12]

Apologies in advance to whomever thinks this is either offensive or ridiculous, but I am curious as to how long a couple can go without having intimate relationships and still have a chance at a meaningful relationship in the future.

In my case, it is just three months, my wife and I are in counseling, she saw one man, one time, didn't have sex with him (I believe her, since she was the one who told me about the "date"), but has said at counseling that she isn't ready to have a sexual relationship at this point, because that would be giving up her "freedom".

I know this may seem silly to some, but I'm trying to gear myself up for some long, hard work at our relationship, but I'm afraid unreturned sexual feelings seem to get in the way of working at some deeper issues. I guess I'm looking for advice from those who have successfully put those feelings on the back burner.

[kyky]

Boy am I glad I found this site! Also felt like the freak in our marriage! I'm the wife with a healthy lobido. Only been married 2 years (together for 5). Supposed to be newlyweds who can't keep their hands off each other. Fat chance....We've had sex only once in the past 11 months. I've initiated often with no results. So after such a long time, my thoughts are starting to drive me mad. Is he having an affair....don't know where he would find the time. He doesn't look at me the same anymore. I've stopped trying. We've talked about it, but still nothing. He's a fantastic father, business man and friend. But the lover part is missing. Have thought about divorce a few times, but is a sexless marriage a valid reason to leave your partner and the father of your children. I don't know....feels good to share my thoughts though. Also fear the fact that if I leave he might find another wife someday and that their sex life would be perfect. Probably sounds really stupid, huh?!?

[silent]

I never knew a sexless marriage was such a problem. First and foremost I have a wonderful wife and mother of my daughter . My marriage of 11 years was really good for the first year, then our daughter was born. Our sex life went from 2-3 times per week to maybe 1 every 3 months. Every area of our marriage is great, but the sex is non-existent. It has been like this for approx. 10 years and i am getting really angry. I want to be together as a family for our daughter , but my Self-control is nearing a breaking point.

[drewda]

I really thought it was just me. I've been married almost 10 years and sex is a taboo word in my house. Her excuses ranged from the kids to not being like a past bf. It's left my self esteem more than bruised. We have sex MAYBE once a month and that's if I make her feel guilty enough. Last year we went almost 6 months with out sex. When we do have sex it's like having sex with a corpse Her body language speaks VOLUMES and its saying PLEASE get this horrid act over with. What's worse she does not care and does not see all of this as a problem. When I bring the problem up she sits silent. She really doesn't understand how SEX is a big deal and WHY I'm feeling so hurt by her rejections. I don't know what to do, it kills me to want someone that does not want you. Especially after giving your all to make her happy and the fact that she may be possibly lusting after some other guy(whole other story) I feel tired, alone and angry,mostly at myself for allowing it to continue for so long. I just keep thinking that I will wake up and this is all just a nightmare not my real life.

[mstfd]

How awful when I read these comments here. I feel for all of you! I'm not sure how long a marriage can go without sex without suffering, but my current husband and his exwife had no sex for 10 YEARS. Yes, for real. He was well over her long before the divorce from resentment. She used sex to manipulate and after a while, he caught on. The only issue at that point was that he had kids involved that he didn't want to leave. Then it finally dawned on him what type of marriage he was modeling for his kids.
We met a year after his divorce was final. Interestingly enough, his ex went on a jealous campaign against me. I'm not sure why since she had lost her say a long time before me.
Needless to say, that's not an issue this time around and he's got a lot of time to make up for.
My only advice is if counseling doesn't make him or her see the light, I don't see how or why it could work. No one should be shamed for wanting human closeness. Its one of life's greatest pleasures and its free. And should be freely and lovingly given to that special person in your life.

[p1955]

you said every area of your marriage is great. IS IT???

[LIT51]

Pasley try Sex Therapy counseling for you and your wife

[dentalgirl32]

I feel stuck. I have been married for three years. Together for 8. We fortunately have no kids, but it breaks my heart. He is 14 years older than I am..I will be 29 in August. I have had sex ZERO times in the past year and a half. I beg, I plea, I ask, I ignore. The total we have had sex in 3 years is four times. I am beautiful, I have gained weight, but not enough to think "oh my God, she's disgusting" I cook. I clean. I am organized. All I ever wanted was a family and I feel like I am being punished. He ignores me. He won't talk and all we do is scream at each other. I feel like at his age, he should know what he wants by now. I don't think he's cheating, but at this point I wish he would. I sign the lease to move into my own little house tomorrow. Not what I planned at such a young age with no other support but myself (we don't even share a bank account). I just wish he would be attracted to me. To love and touch me like I want. I wanted a family with him. He's mmt best friend, but I don't want a roomate for the rest of my life. I need advice, what should I do?

[Tmd]

Well I don't think anything sound crazy so I have read a few stories, and I'm leaving mine, this will be short.I've been married for 41 years. We meet while both in the army, 28 years on the road, sex was great, after. He retired, an we come to my home town to live things were still pretty good, about 14 years ago we took custody of 2 of my sons children because of drug an alcohol problems, we both worked shifting schedules to fit kids again.,then my hubby wanted me to stay home an give me a allowance instead of working, well over the past year we have been hit with a 15000 irs payback, my grandson is in drug court for bad choices, my grand daughter has just had major brain surgery, ..and to top all this off I found out my hubby went this past weekend to a hotel, to meet a man and he's wife for sex....this is how I found out, got up early sunday, hubby s wallet had fell on floor, pick it up along with a receipt, I scan receipts for savings, I look at it an see, condoms..I'm shocked beyond belief..I wait for him to get in shower, he's taking my granddaughter back to meet her mom a 2 he drive, excuse myself from the drive, because I literlly feel sick, well so I go check in he's truck, and what do I find, condoms left, my personnel toys, mouth wash toothbrush. Now I'm really sick, so I take the receipt and hand it to him, n say new item, he replies yes thought we have some fun tonite, I'm like sure, so then I see him outside in he's truck, knew what was going on he was moving the evidance, which I had pic of allready, so I wanted till Monday to confront him, he never denied it actually said he went, and watched an it did nothing for him, said he he never particaped at all....I'm lost...

[HappilySingle]

What an awful situation. Reading this made my heart hurt for you. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[HappilySingle]

It's been a while since you posted this, but how is your change in living situation going? From reading your post, it sounds like you'd be better off starting anew, but only you can know what the right thing to do is. But I think if your relationship is lacking intimacy in any form, that is a relationship killer, and you shouldn't feel bad for having needs in your marriage. Hope all is going well for you. <3

[Tmd]

Well today while taking my grandson to school, my car died, my hubby was home , so I call an tell him I need a jump, he's reply...O your talking to me now...I wait for 20 min. For him to come, then call my brother crying because I just lost it...seriously, he ranted to me this week about why he did what he did to escape my chatter, my brother was busy so my hubby shows up 30 min.,later ..jumps the car off, get home n I say what are we suppose to be talking about..saturday)..I'm sorry but your the one who went to a hotel,,for the fun, not me..today was the first years. I did tell him I can't understand why, why did you think you had to do this...I'd never tell,anyone here simply because it would ruin things for him at work, an with my family, ...I told him I might just have to go seek professional help, because maybe I could then come to terms with this, he's like who do you think I've got to talk to.I said well you should have thought about it before you did this...it told him he can't imagine how I feel, 41 years 10 oct, why now..I said you count of talked to me about this, he's answer we can't talk about nothing it's been this way for years....I don't know how long it will take for me to get over this, I did tell him that, he says if I want to keep playing games, an giving him the silent treatment, he can insure the kids have there needs meet, but I will have zero, ....at time I say I'll be ok , but I still just ask why, I've told the kids he's having a mid life crices, never would I hurt them over this, this will never be told to anyone from me....tomorrow is another day

[arup]

I am married for 5 years. It was arranged. From day 1 my wife refused to have closeness with me. We have a sexless life. No kids. Every time I ask her for sex, she refuses and gives stupid excuses. She ignores me all the time. Just talk politely when she needs some thing from me. I sacrificed my happiness, my life for her happiness. But when ever i try to kiss her or try to get close she says I have not done my duty to her. I tried every thing. Her first priority is herself, then her parents, then her maternal family, the her friends, then rest of the world, then me. She treats me like I am some road dog. She is enjoying with my money but even don't care to give some food to me. This 5 years are like a hell to me. Her parents always says that I am the culprit that is why Our marriage is not normal. I do not drink, i do not gamble, no drugs, no other affair. I do every thing needed for family. I feel i should end this life. Feels like I am getting tortured for 5 years. dont know what to do.

[LIT51]

i am not sure the background of you all relationship. But you said it arranged and they maybe your custom. And I am not sure if your spouse marry you to be financially stable. Seek out counseling for yourself and directions.
Make sure you go somewhere neutral. But know this Love is something freely give and freely receive. There is no price tag for Love.
Good Luck to you.

[Sammie]

I just want to tell you that your not alone. I found your posting and it is exactly my marriage. We have been together 4 1/2 years and married 3 years and it’s been over 2 years without sex. He doesn’t look at me the same at all, no desire to be affectionate towards me in any way. He says it will fix in time but it’s been over two years! I am so lonely and trying to stay in this marriage but it’s hard. How long do you wait for a man to change? Why did he change to begin with? I have never felt so unattractive and alone in my life and yet everything else in our marriage is good.

[Tosh22]

How do you deal with it. Today i counted its been 552 days since i have had sex with my husband. And we have only been married a year and a half. Do the math....since we got married we had sex twice. Im sad lonely feel unwanted depressed and as a result, I have began to use food to make me feel better. Today i stepped on the scale and have gained 27 pounds in thst same 552 days which makes me feel even worse. I need suggestions on what to do.

[Sammie]

It is so hard and a horrible feeling for sure. Its been over two years since my husband has touched me or looked at me sexually. I blamed myself at first, I was depressed and felt awful and would cry every night. We are only married 3 1/2 years and he is only 38! Its such a hard loss because it will begin to affect every part of your relationship with each other.
I don’t know how to deal with it forever but I just try to focus on me now and I work out, make my own goals for success, focus on friendships, I bought a dog for love and self help. Places like this site let you know your not alone but people don’t talk about it in real life. Books and counseling for yourself.. in the long run marriages don’t last just on companionship when one is sooooo lonely.

[waytoolong]

Can't resist adding my $0.02 to this one.

I've been married 19 years and we're in our mid-forties. Prior to getting married, sex was regular and seemed to be an activity of interest to both of us. On our weeklong honeymoon we had sex precisely twice and one more time the following month. I was horrified. To make matters worse, she was pregnant with twins. For the next seven years we had sex about 10 times in total. This April will mark my 11th no-sexiverssary. Apart from this tragedy, the stress of an overbearing relationship has made my health a mess.

I've FINALLY come to my senses and we're separated. Being young, married and an 11 year dry stretch - sheesh!

[Ninna22]

Love yourself First!! You are more than that!! Get divorced bfore u waste 500 days more with a cold person.. I don’t understand why ppl are so cold.. all we need is love!

[joey2134]

I had absolutely no sex nor any intimacy with my ex-wife for over three years when I was aged 52. Initially I tried sex toys and self pleasure to release my desires but it is no
substitute for sex with a real woman. We finally divorced after I met another woman who
provided me with the normal sex life. Sex is an essential part of a continued relationship
when one of the partners has normal sexual needs.