How do I tell my kids that I miss them?

Dear DK, My ex husband thinks that it is not appropriate to tell the kids that I miss them on the phone when they are with him. Last night they overheard a child in the background and asked who that was. I told them that I have to borrow other kids to love up on when I didn’t have them. I realize now that that probably wasn’t the right thing to say but I don’t see anything wrong with telling them I miss them. what do you think?

Missing my kids Dear Missing my kids, Well I definitely think it’s a tough place to be, and a fine line to walk. It is tough on us when our kids are away, but we don’t want to make them feel like they are torn between parents. I certainly wouldn’t suggest saying anything that is going to make them feel like they are being “replaced” while they are away, or that you are miserable without them.

Kids placed in these situations feel terrible guilt. They feel bad that they leave Mommy at home alone. They also can feel very left out, especially if you are filling them in on activities or company you are having without them. I would probably steer away from using the words that you miss them and instead tell them how much you love them and that you are looking forward to seeing them on “Tuesday” or whatever day they come back to you. Hope that helps…dk

this is tricky. i talk to my kids when they are with their dad…usually just to say good night. i discovered they seem better about these visits if i tell them i am crazy busy while they are away…so i lie. is that bad?

I agree with Vicki a lot on this one. Telling them you miss them all the time makes it look like you can’t go on without them there. That is, in a sense, unfair. I know you don’t mean it that way but it sounds that way. I might try something like:See you soon. It doesn’t have a pathetic, I am all by myself sound.Use this time without your kids to catch up on yourself. Maybe a new haircut, pedicure, shopping, lunch with the girlriends, family. There are so many ways to stay busy and it is good for you to have this down time so try to take advantage of your free time. You deserve it and your ex husband deserves his time with the children.You will be just fine.