How Do I Stop Wanting to Have Sex with My Ex Husband?!?

Four years ago, I moved out of the apartment my ex-husband and I shared. I haven’t looked back since. I have not had any sexual contact with him since then, although we were not officially divorced until early 2012. I also ended ALL communication with him a few months after I moved out when I realized for ME the relationship was not going to be able to be salvaged even though I knew he didn’t want a divorce. But he was unwilling to meet my needs, much less even hear what they were, so I had no problems moving on from him and never gave him any thought AT ALL. Even so, he still sent me emails begging me to call him.

When he finally got the message that I just wasn’t interested he began campaigning to be friends. I ignored EVERY email until I was only getting one or 2 a year. I even started using an online alias so he couldn’t find me on facebook and social media. Well, I recently had a fundraiser where I used an online crowdsourcing website to fund my charitable cause. He somehow found it, probably through googling my name, donated and found my contact information and sent me another email.

After 4 years(this was Feb 2014), I finally replied and we emailed back and forth until I decided that he was harmless and he just wanted to make amends for treating me so badly while we were together. He had a guilty conscience. Ok I get it. So we talked on the phone and said our sorries to each other and ended on good terms agreeing to be friends. I have spoken with him about 2 times per month since then.

Then, the WEIRDEST thing happened. As I would talk to him I realized we still had the same chemistry as when we met. I started to reminisce on the times we had together and he would even pop into my dreams. THEY WOULD BE X-RATED. I was DAYDREAMING ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH MY FREAKING EX HUSBAND WHO I HAVE HAD NO FEELINGS FOR IN 4 YEARS. The more I talk to him the worse it gets. I never said anything to him about it, but of his own accord he admitted to me that he is having X rated dreams about me too and even masturbates to the thought of us having sex. I am so turned on by this it’s insane! I actually really want to have sex with him, and I would, but HE’S MARRIED NOW!

I’m not asking advice on whether I should sleep with him or not. He’s a married man, and I don’t want to be in a love triangle. I want to know HOW DO I STOP FANTASIZING AND WANTING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM??? I am afraid that if I can’t stop that I will have sex with him and fall in love with him again. And this time I won’t be his wife, I’ll be his mistress. HELP

I so cannot relate to any of this - the thought of my ex so much as touching me makes me want to vomit and would cause nightmares, not erotic dreams. Agree with the others below - cease contact. You have the chance to move forward, not back. And since he’s married, he shouldn’t be having contact with you anyway.

I understand wanting sex…happens to me all the time. But you know what? I’m not a dog in heat, and I can control who I have sex with. So I have a lover, and he’s far better in the sack, the car, the state park, the elevator…I think you get my drift, than the ex ever was. I think the fact that the ex has proven himself to be a cheating scumbucket rat’s ass bastard has helped kill any and all sexual thoughts I had of him a long time ago.I’ll pass along a piece of advice that someone here gave me long ago: It’s nothing a new boyfriend and a pitcher of margaritas won’t cure.

I admit that occasionally I have somewhat erotic dreams about my ex. We’ve been divorced 5 years and he got remarried in October. When I have these thoughts, I remember how he treated me at the end. And, that I have a guy who treats me so much better in many ways then the ex ever did. I agree- no more contact. You don’t have kids so there is no reason to keep in touch.

Kdubbla, the quick and effective solution to your sexual desire for your ex-hubby is to find
a new sex partner either one night stand or ongoing basis to release your burning needs for sex as in reflected your sex dream. Suppressing your sexual needs is practically not working.

I strongly suggest you find a new sexual partner quick. good luck!