How do I get my children back home when there is no custody order?

My husband and I separated (the kids and I moved out), because of an altercation between my son (from my 1st marriage) and my husband which resulted in my son having his 1st of what has become many bloody noses.

Despite this horrible incident my husband and I have remained on and off for the past year and a half, but the level of violence and abuse has risen again to the point that it was a battle for me to be able to physcially pick up and take my 3 year old daughter to the emergency room after a fall down the stairs (which resulted in her now broken clavicle).

After returning from the doctors and x-rays to pick up my son from my husband; my husband removed my daughter from the car took her into his house and wouldn’t return her or her brother to me. Because there are currently no custody orders in place the local police were unable to regain physcial custody of my children for me. I fear they will not be returned to me before the weekend, and I fear for their safety. What can I do to get my children back and keep them safe?

Spaznskitz is our moderator and a CA family court judge. Hopefully she will respond soon, or you can try to email her directly at, please clarify a few points. Your son got a bloody nose (the first of many?) during an altercation with his step-dad. If your husband hit your son in the nose, then say so. If your son has a tendency to get spontaneous bloody noses, then say that.Who had custody of your 3yo when she fell down the stairs? It sounds like you are saying she got hurt at his place, then he must have called you? And then you went over there and he didn’t want you to take her to the ER? And then when you returned to pick up your son, instead he grabbed your daughter out of your car.Did you move out of the house a year and a half ago? I understand you say you have been on and off since then, so I assume that’s why there is no custody order. But as a result of there being no custody order–no divorce papers at all I’m guessing–as far as the police are concerned, your children ARE at home. The only family member not at home is you.How you get your kids back the fastest, I don’t know. But I’m sure it involves hiring a lawyer and filing some temporary orders of some sort.

Mom, I don’t mean to scare you. I have three suggestions for you.If you haven’t contacted a local women’s hotline, please do. hey can help you with a better plan than one you’ve devised. Allowing ab abuser’s abuser to supervise visits with your children is asking for trouble. Dad’s rightfully infuriated with the abusers. Unfortunately, crap, like everything else, runs downhill. In this case it’s to who he perceives has less power, you and the kids. Should those supervised visits take place with his folks supervising and he decided to take it out on anyone, it’s going to be a heinous situation, as he may well decfide that his parents need killing. Who knows, he may be mad enough (in both ways) to off the kids and himself, too. The folks on the other end of the hotline will be really happy and willing to help you prevent that from happening rather than dealing with the aftermath.MOSAIC by Gavin DeBecker. It’s a threat assessment tool you can find online. Google it or search Oprah’s website for it. I have a hunch that you’re not seeing the seriousness of the situation, like a lot of folks living it don’t - me included. If you give the tool honest information, it will give you an accurate assessment. It’s long, but worth the time. Hang onto the results. They may come in handy.ast, and most important, your child with the nosebleeds should get medical attention. Shaken babies die. Shaken kids get concussions. Not all those with mild concussions have typical concussion symptoms. Sure, I agree that something’s likely going on with his nose, but what’s of more concern to me as a teacher is his brain. HIs psyche has taken a hit, too, and that could use checking out as well. We’re here for you.

I’m confused as to who is actually there with your husband - you have four children - one who isn’t his, You only talk about your daughter and the one son who isn’t his…how old are the other two and are they with him? WHO is exactly - at his house?Is the son that isn’t his with him as well? Did he adopt him or does your ex husband share custody of him with you? When was the last incident of DV? The 3 year old on the stairs doesn’t count as one, neither does your son’s nose injury, because it happened so long ago and for some ridiculous reason you didn’t go all mama bear and get his ass thrown in jail and divorce him on the spot after that. Have you ever had him arrested for any of the abuse to you? or at least called the police during an incident? Made a report of any kind? If not, I don’t see this DVRO going through to be honest. Because of your lack of due diligence handling the injury to your son, his probably permanent injury to his nose is just as much your fault as your husband’s. (in the court’s eyes) The police couldn’t do anything after the fact when his father stepped up to the plate because he wasn’t there at the time of the injury…for all they knew he was just trying to cause a problem with you and your husband…and I’m sure your son was too scared to talk to the police about the incident…Tell me exactly who is there, which kids, and we can go from there.