Hi there! I JUST literally signed up on this forum about 10 mins ago and couldn't help but chime in after seeing your question. I TOO just had to endure a divorce back in February and it wasn't anything SHORT of DEVASTATING for me as well (The MAJORITY of divorces ARE DEVASTATING if you ask ME). My husband and I were High School Sweethearts (Well...I had graduated in 94 and he was in his Senior year when my SISTER set us up on a blind date). My divorce became finalized on February 27th of this year and I had honestly felt that day after ALL was said and done that the PREVIOUS almost 23 yrs of my LIFE had MORE or LESS been a complete and utter waste of my UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and LOYALTY. He walked out on ME and our 2 precious kids the first week in June of 2016 and basically NEVER LOOKED BACK. Needless to say....once the initial SHOCK of WHAT he had done FINALLY passed over.....it was if a HUMONGOUS boulder of PAIN and ANGUISH just came falling out of the sky and landed SMACK DAB in the PIT of MY STOMACH.
When he INITIALLY informed me of his plans to LEAVE me....it was via TEXT MESSAGE while he was INSIDE OUR HOUSE and I was in our garage smoking a cigarette. I was COMPLETELY UNAWARE of the fact that he was as MISERABLE as he CLAIMED in the surprise text message I'd just received. I mean... I KNEW our marriage wasn't PERFECT and that there WAS work that NEEDED to be done....but I just NEVER thought they were anything WORSE than the typical problems that almost EVERY marriage experiences at one point or another. Plus...a year PRIOR to the summer he finally left me.....I had actually snuck his phone in the middle of the night and lo and behold found that he had actually created a profile on a website called ASHLEY MADISON which is basically a DATING SITE for MARRIED people or ANYONE actually that's ALREADY involved a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP with someone but they're just wanting to HAVE AN AFFAIR on THEIR SPOUSE or SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Of course when I confronted him about it....he just wanted to BLAME ME for WHY he chose to take that route in the FIRST PLACE because he just COULDN'T ADMIT he was WRONG in actually trying to CHEAT on me BEHIND MY BACK.
So....long story somewhat shorter (not really but it sounded good )....he just SO EASILY walked out on ME and our 2 KIDS and OUR HOME that we had built 13 yrs EARLIER and had RAISED our kids in since they had been BORN...and had also buried our FIRST 2 kids (our dogs) in THAT BACKYARD along with about 4 other pets, etc. I basically had about a 10 hour notice via a text message before he was gone forever. I honestly felt with the way that he broke the news to me like he must have looked at me like I was a freaking MONSTER that would have KILLED HIM if he WOULD have told me to MY FACE and I just DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY!?!?! After he had come downstairs the next morning and talked to me IN PERSON about the whole situation...he also told me that he planned on breaking the news to the kids and that he wanted me to STAY OUTSIDE while he did because he didn't want me chiming in and SAYING anything I might REGRET LATER....especially in front of the kids. Of course I INITIALLY wanted to tell him to shove it where the son didn't shine....but I went ahead and OBLIGED and went out into the garage to have a smoke. About 10 to 15 minutes later I went back inside and saw the 3 of them sitting on the couch and I just COULDN'T HELP but feel NOTHING BUT ANGER and HATE towards my husband (ex NOW) when I saw the 2 faces that I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING on the FACE of THIS EARTH and saw how they had just gone from being HAPPY, THRIVING, CONTENT CHILDREN enjoying their FIRST DAY of SUMMER BREAK to children that had basically just been told THE WORST THING they could POSSIBLY have BEEN TOLD in THEIR LIVES (next to maybe one of us actually DYING). I HONESTLY wanted NOTHING MORE than to just go over and PHYSICALLY STRANGLE my husband since HE was THE DELIVERER of one of the most HEART WRENCHING NEWS that a CHILD can EVER RECEIVE.....as well as the fact that THE DECISION was MOST LIKELY MADE due to 100% SELFISHNESS on HIS BEHALF because it had ALWAYS been about HIM and HIS HAPPINESS when it came down to it in our marriage. He never acted as if he cared about how ANYBODY ELSE felt in regards to stuff HE would DO to THEM.
I found out later on they he had taken the kids aside right before he laughed and told them he planned on coming back when school started again in the fall and that Him and I were only taking a break in addition to telling mom night he chose to leave to "Give ME some PEACE"....Lol....talk about a crock of total CRAP!!!! Only 6 weeks later I would have the UNFORTUNATE experience of stumbling upon the REAL REASON as to WHY it WAS he CHOSE to LEAVE.....and SO ABRUPTLY I might add. Of course I had THOUGHT I'd ALREADY gone through the WORST OF IT ALL....that is until I decided to take a drive on the evening of July 9th 2017. I actually didn't even INITIALLY plan to stop by his place....but while out driving, it was as if I had this OVERWHELMING URGENCY to swing by and at least TRY and TALK TO HIM....IF he'd even LET ME that is. Well.....I drove down his street and noticed his car wasn't parked outside on the curb where it USUALLY was....so I figured he was PROBABLY still out with one of his friends watching the UFC fight that was on that night......so I drove down the street a couple blocks and parked on the side that
DIDN'T have a STREET LIGHT so it wouldn't look so OBVIOUS that I was sitting there STAKING OUT his place....lol. No sooner had I put my car in park and shut it off and turned my lights off..... I saw HIS CAR coming around the corner and he parked where he NORMALLY DID. I sat there and watched him exit his vehicle and he walked around to the back of his car and got something out of his trunk......THAT'S when I saw the PASSENGER SIDE of his car opening up and then I THINK my heart literally JUMPED up INTO my THROAT......ESPECIALLY when I saw that it was a FEMALE exiting the vehicle. From THAY POINT ON...the night was PRETTY MUCH a HUGE BLUR. Mostly due to the fact that I'd been SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY for like 6 hours straight and HONESTLY felt as if I didn't even WANT to LIVE ANYMORE.
Sometimes I think back to all of it and kind of WISH that I WOULDN'T have SHOWN HIM just HOW MUCH he actually MEANT TO ME..... Mainly because I didn't feel he even DESERVED to have SOMEBODY LIKE ME in HIS LIFE....and for AS LONG as HE DID. I COULD have been spending ALL of THAT TIME with someone else and DEVOTING MYSELF to THEM......someone that would have possibly APPRECIATED ME for ME and would have TREATED ME better than he treated OTHERS that were merely STRANGERS to us.
So....here I am over 2 yrs LATER....STILL SINGLE AND LOVING IT And to be HONEST.....if someone 2 years ago would have EVER told me that I would EVER be HAPPY AGAIN without HIM.....I wouldn't have BELIEVED THEM in a MILLION YEARS..... but TRUST ME.....the PAIN & HEARTBREAK DOES and WILL and CAN GO AWAY. It might not FEEL like it RIGHT NOW.....but in TIME.....YOUR HEART WILL HEAL and you'll realize that you most likely DID/DO DESERVE BETTER because JUST LIKE MYSELF....I wrestled in the BEGINNING with all these thoughts of REVENGE and just thinking about WHY I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH anymore after EVERYTHING that I had sacrificed for HIM and had GIVEN UP FOR HIM.....such a CAREER of some kind or I could have stayed back in Montana and NEVER chose to MOVE HERE to WI. for HIM because HE got hired PERMANENTLY for a really good job and was going to STAY. So, I'm SURE I could sit up ALL NIGHT filling you in WHY/HOW I FEEL YOUR PAIN....but it sounds as if you're MORE in need of hearing how to better COPE with it vs. just hearing about how MESSED UP and SAD every OTHER person's life is since their SIGNIFICANT OTHERS destroyed them....Lol. I DO wish you the BEST and praying for you to recover from your pain as I KNOW all too well just HOW HARD IT IS to have someone in your life for so long and then ONE DAY it's like they were NEVER EVEN REALLY THERE. Take care!