I am devastated.
My wife of 18 years and three kids with have been separated for the last 6 months. She left our home because she said she needed to take a break from all the fighting and tension in the house. She said she wanted to use the time to figure herself and our marriage out. I take full ownership of my faults and causes that lead to her decision. At the time, I told her I did not agree with the decision and we should try counseling, she refused. I concluded that I would support her decision and even started to think that some time apart would benefit us. She left mid-January. I used the time to better myself and work to become a better Father. Fast forward to mid-February, I find out she is seeing someone. At the time I was very hurt but was able to reconcile the fact that we are grownups that have had someone in our lives for the last 21 years and if she had someone to confide to, I could be ok with it. During the separation, I did not maintain contact with her unless it was about the kids. I gave her, her space.
Middle of May, I thought for the better of the kids, having a family night BBQ, the five of us, at the house would be ok. One thing lead to another and spending time with her, after so much time that had passed without contact, all the old feelings of why we fell in love came rushing back to the both of us.
We then spent the next week and half talking, texting, and even meeting up for dinner. It was great. We talked about how we would have to make so many changes moving forward to try to even pursue a relationship and how scared we were of possibly going back to what caused us to separate, but we're willing to play things out.
She then tells me that the room she is going to rent, when she moves at the end of June is in a house owned by a good friend of the guy she was dating. She told me she cut ties with him but there was a possibility he would come over to the house to see his friend and things would be awkward. She told me she wanted to be honest with me. I told her I understood but she needed to do what she needed to do and be in a place that she could afford and coincide with her busy work schedule. That it did not change how I felt about her and where we were currently at in what we had going on.
However, one thing I needed to know and I am not sure why. Did she still have feelings for this person because if so I did not want to work on us until she felt she was ready to? I did not want her invested in the work we had to do if her head and heart were not into it.
I told her to think long and hard and then come to me to talk about it once she came to a decision.
She told me that she was too confused to make a decision. That she still had feelings for this other person and could not commit to working on us. After the talk, she left the house to go to dinner and come to find out she spent the night at the other person’s house.
I am heart broken. I feel that she played me with no regards of my feelings or the confusion she has caused the kids.
What do I do? How to move on?