Have You Become Commitment Phobic After Your Divorce?

The ink has barely dried on the divorce papers, and many people are already looking for their new love. They use online dating sites, try speed dating and frequent single dances looking for someone who can fill the void left by their divorce and try their hand at love once more.

Others, however, take the opposite approach and may be hesitant to rush into a new relationship too soon. They take their time and eventually find someone they can share their lives with. There is yet another group of divorcees who become commitment phobic after their divorce. It usually happens for one of two reasons. Either the divorce was so painful and traumatic that they cannot bear the thought of ever getting into a serious committed relationship again or they actually enjoy being alone.

For some people, especially those in long term marriages, being alone for the first time and calling your own shots in life may be an exciting, new experience they enjoy too much to give up. Many may find this unusual and assume all uncommitted divorcees are lonely and desperate to find new love. But there are some who enjoy causal dating and companionship without a serious commitment. I have myself been in a three year relationship, post divorce, that many would consider unusual.

We live in different states now and have a long distance relationship. I have no plans to ever marry him or move to his state, nor he to mine. We enjoy each other’s company and deeply care about one another, but neither of us wants to get married again at this point in our lives. I was lucky to find someone who wants the same things in a relationship that I do. Our relationship would have not lasted this long had either of us wanted a more serious relationship. Someday one of us may want more and if the relationship ends,that is okay.

The important thing to remember, no matter where are right now relationship wise after your divorce, is to know what you want and make sure the person you are dating understands that clearly. A commitment phobic should obviously not be with someone who wants to get married again. As long as you are honest when entering a new relationship and lay your cards on the table, you should find what you are looking for in a new love.

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You hit the nail on the head Christina! After a 35 year marriage, I am enjoying my freedom and learning to explore lots of new avenues. Committment - Not Right Now! Relationship/companionship - Yes!I’m not saying that later on that might change, but right now, I am ready to have a man to share my life with, as long as he maintains his place and I maintain mine!

I think we change a lot of the priorities as we age and most of the middle aged divorcees aren’t looking to have kids or pool the resources to get a house, etc. We have been through one of the biggest stressors in life and have lost financially and emotionally. I am not phobic about commitment but I’m one hell of a lot smarter about it. The last time I made a commitment, it didn’t mean a thing to her unless I was selling off things and getting my house ready for the market to buy a place for us and the three kids (two were hers) which she couldn’t pitch in money or anything, but wanted her name on the deed. I was really resistant to that and it sent us into a death spiral relationshipwise. I woke up and walked.