From ehow the devastating effects of witholding sex

Step 1 There is a role that sex plays in a relationship. It creates a bond, allowing for closeness and sexual intimacy. It allows our friendship to deepen, and as we grow older, the aging changes appear unnoticed by partners. Sex separates the many relationships we have in our lives–and stands out as a couple’s intimate relationship. If you feel your relationship sputtering, note the lack of sex as a death rattle. Withholding sex may be the beginning of the end.

Step 2 As we all know, sex plays a powerful role in our relationship, and withholding sex, is a very dangerous way to express anger. Although the other aspects of your relationship may appear sincere and loving, the withholding of sex places that person in control–making you the one who ALWAYS must initiate sex. You are the one responsible for the maintaining of a sexual bond. In not assuming responsibility for nurturing a sexual bond, your partner is washing his hands for any marital problems, because he (indeed) was not involved.

Step 3 There are consequences to the withholding of sex. It leaves you feeling rejected, unattractive and unlovable. There is not a devastating feeling of shame, as your own spouse no longer desires you. This, like all shame, is difficult to discuss with anyone, leaving you with no support system, and validating the fact that you must be terribly undesirable and unlovable.

Step 4 It is possible that your spouse may agree to couples counseling,though this person isn’t one to discuss issues, or he (or she) would have already talked with you. Wht the person is saying is being transmitted to you silently and physically, by the withholding of sex. Step 5 Don’t allow this Withholding of sex to perpetuate.If your self-image is bottomed out, you need to leave and find a counselor to help you understand the damage caused by your partner is far less about you and more about him (or her)It will take time, but working to regain your feelings of power and self worth IS possible, with help.

I had gotten to the point that I didn’t want to have sex with my ex on a frequent basis…He did complain…I told him that it wasn’t that I didn’t love him but if I could have some help around the house, we both worked full time plus I managed all the kids’ stuff, then I might not be so damn tired when I hit the bedroom…Looking back, I know that because of the way he treated me, I felt like meat and not a person. Who wants to experience that? Who jumps up and down to experience that? Not me…Over time, I became more resentful because if in his life the biggest complaint he had was that I didn’t initiate a BJ with him then I guess he had it pretty damn good…Now? I really do enjoy the experience. I don’t say no or I am too tired…Why? Because I don’t feel like a piece of meat. I feel like a person, one that is respected and cherished…I thoroughly enjoy the experience…I enjoy trying to please M* because of the way he makes me feel. (not talking in the bedroom, but nothing wrong with that either)…Yes, I believe sex is very important but I really believe there has to be more to it than just that…There has to be real caring about how the other person feels. There has to be a desire there to please the other person both in and out of the bedroom. Just my thoughts on it…

Ouch. One part of my life in a nutshell.

I disagree with the moderator that sex is only 1/3 of a relationship. People are different as well as genders and usually from a male perspective it is usually one of the top male needs from a relationship but can be high on a females list of needs also. Lack of sex in a relationship does incur the feelings in a mate that the original poster states as I have felt them myself. Marriage is a commitment and these things should all be done inside the marital relationship first not outside of it. Anger, resentment breeds more pain and eventually anger and resentment over needs not being met. Who will succumb to the others needs first. I know if there would have been better communication in my marital relationship, some self sacrifice would have that changed anything because she was tired not feeling well… I was not doing enough around the house while I worked 50 hours a week outside the house. I know my ex asked me to go to counseling but how was I supposed to know what her needs were if she never told me. I thought counseling was ridiculous because we were good freinds and thought could talk to each other. If someone on here is not yet divorced, I recommend they end the relationship if they are having an affair becuase if they don’t figure it out it will just happen in the next relationship. I know the boyfriend is probably going through the same things now that I did once upon a time because she never solved he. Read His Needs Her Needs and good luck all. As I understand the top male needs of a male is: 1) Sex 2) Physical Atractivness 3) Recreational Companionship 4) Domestic Support 5) Admiration While for a female 1) Affection 2) Honesty/Openess 3) Communication 4) Financial Support 5) Family comitment So, despite being a man, I found myself desiring affection, honesty/openess and communication from a woman more than sex and physical attractivness. Which I guess is great since I can do unto the oposite sex what I want them to do unto me, alas financial supp

Really did you feel this way while you were dating and trying to get your husband to the alter? I hear women talk this line all the time…he makes me feel like a hunk of meat I’m tired I take care of the kids the house the dishes and I work. Yea guess what so does your husband, he also has to do repairs to the cars the yard work pay the mortgage and braces for Betty. Why is it while dating you can get a BJ at the drive ins without asking but the second your married it’s oh I feel like a piece of meat…until you find another man with a better job and more money…then they all mysteriously all start suck starting the new guy’s Harley