@NYC Glad you got the site figured out for your post I'll take a stab at this. There's a lot of great folks on here who will also have an opinion.
Nope - you can just refuse if he is paying what he is suppose to. Do you have formal wage garnishment plan in place? I get that she is living on the edge and may not be able to afford to take care of the kids. If the kids need supplies buy them yourselves and send those home with them. You can send groceries home too. You guys have to grocery shop anyway so buy a few extra items. That way you at least know the money is actually going towards what it is suppose to. But really this is no way for the kids to live. If she is unable to care for them properly even with child support you may be able to get custody changed.
Evidence, evidence, evidence... make sure you can document these things and/or get proof that all this has gone on. It should be easy to get a judge to grant some kind of temporary orders based on stuff like this. A good lawyer will be able to ask for documentation from Mom and her attorney through the Discovery process. The hospital records, the cancer, etc will all come out during that process.
I think you guys should stay firm on vying for primary conservator-ship. The concept of full custody refers to the decision making abilities of parents. What you want I think is to actually have possession of them most of the time and have mom be the non custodial parent.
I don't understand. What was he nervous about exactly? Is there something he wants to keep quiet? Or is he just worried that the courts will favor the Mom? You don't say what state you are in but the days of Mom getting the upper hand are quickly fading from the legal system. Mom tends to get preference because she is the one doing all the nurturing, school, Dr. visits traditionally especially if she was a stay at home mom. Make sure your guy stays involved always in the kid's lives and it makes that a non issue. Set up parent/teacher conferences or attend the ones Mom goes to. Offer to take the kids to the Dr. Do things like that and the judge won't necessarily pick Mom over Dad.
Sounds like maybe you got a mediated settlement? If so than you won't be able to fix this legally anytime soon. As far as her asking for money for things...just say "no." As long as he keeps doing it she will keep asking. And you don't really know for sure how bad things necessarily are. You have what she is telling you. I'd let the lights go out and then call CPS. They will remove the children from her home and likely let your fiance have them. You might call and ask CPS if that is how that works first. This may seem harsh but I assure you she will never stop asking for money as long as he keeps giving it to her. Some people are simply incapable of financially standing on their own two feet and probably should have never had kids. Very sad
That's right. And you aren't going to be the ones that make her. There is a great video somewhere on YouTube that talks about parenting. It has 4 Quadrants and they are all combinations of "I am unwilling" or "I am unable." I suspect his Ex is in the "I am unable" camp. To get this changed you are going to have to allow her to fail or find someone else to leech off of.
My advice is threaded through these responses. I'll sum it up here:
- Gather Data including information from Child Protective Services
- Let her fail
- Let CPS place the kids with you
It will likely take quite a few failures before the courts will strip her of parental rights. Don't get me wrong I also feel sorry for this woman. But do you think those children deserve to live like that? I don't think it's in their best interest based on what you wrote here.
Good Luck and All the best!