Ex husband Committed Suicide

Hello all, I know it has been awhile since I have been on here, and so many things have happened in my life. My husband and I had gone our separate ways. I live somewhere new, as did he. After months of turmoil and fighting, we had finally reached a point where we were at peace with one another. He had realized that he had destroyed the marriage with his infidelity/lies/abuse and alcoholism.

I, on the other hand, had been set free of the negativity surrounding what had happened between us and just wanted him to get better for himself. I knew we would never EVER be again but I had hoped that his rock bottom would provide him with the gumption to clean his life up and start anew. I was wrong.

On 7/28/11, he took his own life. At the age of 33. 5 days after his birthday. We weren’t divorced yet, so now I am legally a widow. It is so surreal. I was over him and had mourned the loss of what he used to be when I initially left him but now I feel as if I am right back at square one. His parents told me that they understood I did everything I could for him and ultimately it was the loss of his job that “broke the camel’s back,” but I still feel as if I could have done something better.

I guess I am really confused and in need of some guidance/support. I lost our baby 3 years ago and now lost him. Even though I didn’t want him back, I DID want him to be happy and get better for himself and his family. Has anyone else gone through something like this? Again, I thank you all for your time and support. It is greatly appreciated.

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Alcoholism ends one of three ways: sobriety, jail, or death.His alcoholism killed him. You did not. I encourage you to attend Al-Anon for help and support from other spouses who are familiar with the erratic and irrational behavior of the alcoholic.

Wow, that has to be difficult. I have no experience or words of wisdom, but simple condolences for your loss. I’m sure you are experiencing very mixed emotions, but please don’t let one of them be guilt. You are not responsible for his actions; the alcohol and his mental state are the only things to blame.

I’m so sorry for both of your losses. I cringed reading your post. My stbx is also an alcoholic and abusive. Over a year ago I told him he had to leave or I’d file an RO to have him removed. He left, he filed for divorce in December, and just continued to threaten me and verbally abuse me and our children. He would continually email to me, So do you want to talk, or should I go through with it [the divorce]? I never respond. He has threatened to commit suicide quite often, but so much so that I don’t believe he would. He’s expressed this to his mother as well, so I don’t believe I’m the one that has to alert anyone about it. I do often wonder what I would do if he did commit suicide. Of course, I know his mother would blame me, as they appear to be two peas in a pod.I, too, was hoping him leaving me and our children would be his rock bottom but, unfortunately, it was not. I’ve done all I can, and now it’s just time to move on with my own life.If you’re having difficulty, don’t hesitate to see a therapist. I’ve been seeing one for over a year and it’s really helped me put everything in perspective. Peace…

So sorry to hear about the losses you have sustained. I can relate somewhat I think. I married my high school sweetheart at age 18. After a 5 year relationship (2 of them married) we divorced due to infidelity on his part. Drugs and alcohol were not helping his situation. But from what I heard, he cleaned up his act as he had a baby on the way and married his mistress 2 months later. We had been divorced for 5 or 6 years when his 2nd marriage fell apart. In January of 2015 he ended his own life. I was over him by this time and the wound of our divorce was healed well. I have since married again , but can’t help but feel terrible grief every now and then (usually around his birthday or christmas). My current husband is very supportive and a good listener when it comes to this subject. But I can’t help but feel guilty for having these feelings of sorrow and grief. I find myself thinking back on the good times and missing those days…even though a large majority of those times were unhealthy and not in God’s plan. It’s a lot of mixed emotions to say the least. My life is great. I have the perfect marriage and I couldn’t imagine myself happier. So why do I keep looking back? I feel like I will never have closure. The man who was once my best friend hung himself. How do you get over that? Should I feel guilty for grieving him as a happily married woman??

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All of us deal with pain, emotionally and/or physically. Some deal with it in an unhealthy manner such as turning to substances, brief turbulent relationships or avoidance, all to mute the pain that never truly goes away. Then others get past it by improving their lives and learning forgiveness, acceptance and strive to be better for the experience which makes it’s relevance in our lives just a small reminder and teaches us. It is an experience unique to the individual and their response to that situation. The baffling response of suicide is not understood by most as we all have an element of survival instinct. To bring an end to one’s life isn’t something that most would consider rationally, more just a brief thought in a dark place which makes you cringe with revulsion. But for some it seems the only way out of their situation. Look at the celebrities that have taken their lives. We all know someone or have been close to someone who chose to kill themselves. I personally cannot understand, though I’ve tried. But it’s no different than when someone dies naturally or unnaturally. Some have the closure they the survivor needed, some will never have closure. It then is placed on the survivor to decide on how they will deal with their pain. Peace and hugs to all that suffer…remember, the person lost no longer feels the anguish you have and probably wouldn’t want you to feel that way.

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I have a similar scenario, I left my husband 2 days later he took his own life.
This was 2 and a half years ago.
He was addicted to Ice, gamblin, he’d been stealing and got in to trouble with bikes and at one stage was getting threaten to pay back money and we had nothing we had lost everything. We had been over for sometime but stayed for the kids.
It took alot of counselling to accept. I was very bitter for a long time and he has caused many scares and insecurities. It is only now I am at peace with everything however now I have another guilt.
I have since moved on and have a new partner but made the mistake with my new partner to explain the negatives in my pass life none of the positives I think to ensure him that I was over my ex…I now have massive guilt as it wasn’t all bad in 10 years of marriage and have two beautiful children to show for it I also didn’t speak highly of his mum.
My Boyfriend now prefers I have nothing to do with the family he is happy for the grandparents to see the kids but doesn’t feel I should be involved in social occasions birthdays etc as I should be moving forward and wanting to create a future with him not live in the past.
I definitely don’t want to live in the past but do still want to have my sister in law and mother in law in my life in a lesser capacity, he allows it to some extend but makes me feel really bad when I attend functions or put them ahead of him and his kids I don’t want this to ruin us hoping this will eventually blow over mixed emotions.

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I had massive guilt when my husband passed away not only because I left him first and he said if I didn’t come back he would take his own life but when he said that I thought maybe you should as all the ■■■■ you have bought, drugs, gambling our life savings poor credit rating and unhappy kids as there dad had no time for him would be better.
His mum even voiced it once too when we spent a whole day looking for him as he had threaten to take his own life then went missing only to come back like nothing was wrong. I will live with that feeling forever though mine and the kids life is so much better now and yes I needed a lot of counselling to get to this point to. Now I have a new partner but have issues with leaving his family behind and starting a new future.

My bf passed away in 2014 and I feel very guilty. We were together for a year he was my first love. Before we got together we were very good friends more like best friends. We met when I was 14/15 and got together when we were 18… I broke up with him and after we broke up he called me all the time begging me to get back with him and all I did was ignore him and got to the point where I told him I didn’t love him anymore well a couple months later he was shot and killed. I guess when I lost him I realized I had messed up. A lot of his family and friends blamed me because they said if i would have been with him he would still be alive. Sometimes I think that the only reason he was looking for trouble was because he wanted to commit suicide and leave this place because I wasn’t with him. Many times he told me if I didn’t get back with him he couldn’t live anymore. He told me beautiful things like I was his life and I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I was only 18/19 very young and stupid and I ignore him. Well now after 4 years of coping with his loss I finally realized that he was right. He couldn’t live with out me. And now all this guilt is hurting me inside. I don’t know what to do. I feel so guilty, so much shame, pain, hurt. I feel miserable and I 100% regret leaving him. The worst part is that I basically left him for no good reason :,( I have been very depressed. I was also pregnant when I was with him and decided to have an abortion. I was very young and scared and picked the easy way out which I now regret. Now I feel lonely, scared and miserable. And all I can think is that if I had my baby and my love I would be happier. :,(

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I have a similar situation my husband committed suicide November of 2017 we have two small kids together 4 & 6. We had been married for 11 years with UPS and downs, last year he started drinking and taking prescription pills they were intended for anxeity, except he would over take them. He started to become violent in June of last year, which caused me to have to get law enforcement involved due to his threats of killing his self and me as well. After that incident there was of course a protective or in place for 60 days for me and my kids. during that time he filed for divorce , order came to an end and the judge didn’t grant the supervised visits I requested due to his mental instability. After he he started getting visits with the kids he slowly started to to weave his way back in and convince me the kids need us together. He then convinced me to drop the domestic charges and I let him starrt coming over more and more to the point he moved in . Everything seemed to be going well then he started back with the threats and talking suicidal , but also being threatening to if I would tell anyone He would threaten to shoot me then his self and would repeatedly fire off his gone in efforts to scare me . I was so afraid but at the same time I loved him because of the years together and our kids and I guess I kind of become brainwashed and didn’t realized I was being controlled in a dangerous way. On November 4th my life changed forever I had an eery feeling something was going to happen that day he was extremely frustrated and emotional , we happened to have a male friend over and his kids that night . He was getting extremely jealous and mad if I even looked in the other guys direction , he was aware of the situation and had seen how I was being controlled by bed times and everything and told me we had to make the call to the police or something bad would happened I was reluctant because I was trying to protect him from going back to jail but knew I couldn’t keep living that way. Once the police were called and aware of the situation they were in route he had drank and took more of his medication then he should have and began walking around with his gun and wanted me to go upstairs with him and have sex, but I knew there was more to it because he had put a gun to my head before in the middle of sex and threathened me . I was so scared my friend instructed me to go hide in the woods by the house where he couldn’t find me and he watched my kids so he wouldn’t come searching for them . He was repeatedly messaging and calling but I knew if I answered he would see my phone. Once the police arrived, they tried to get him to come down the driveway since they knew he was armed , but he refused and shot towards them and then they shot back. None of their shots hit him, he eventually took his own life while my two small children saw him and began to run to safety. I will never for get how he screamed at me before hearing the shots seeing the flashing lights of the gun going off since it was 11:40 at night. I was so shaken in panic it was like something of a movie . I often feel guilty feeling it was my fault for calling the police maybe he wouldn’t have hurt me but at the same time I truly believe had he had found me hiding he would have shot me for calling the police he knew with his previous charges he would be in alot more trouble and didn’t want to face the consequences. I will never forget that day or the words he said to me what’s harder is explaining to two small kids who constantly ask about their dad I don’t want them to remember him for the bad things he did to me I want them to remember the good times we did have. It’s harder some days then some , but going on 5 months I think I’ve handled it the best I can. Prayers to all of you who have had to deal with the loss of a loved one this way the answers we never get are so hard to deal with.

My ex-husband shot himself two weeks ago and I am feeling many of the same emotions you are. We had been married for 22 years and have two children: a son 19 and 24 year-old daughter. He was an alcoholic throughout the marriage but was very violent until the last five years. He had been prescribed an anti-anxiety medication and addreral for adult attention deficit and he was abusing both and mixing them with alcohol. During those last five years he was becoming more and more volitile, paranoid and also showing the first signs of alcohol-induced dementia. He would have violent mood swings and I just could not handle it anymore so I moved out with my son (my daughter was away at college.). I knew that there was a strong possibility he would kill himself if I left but I also knew he might anyway and I was scared he may take me with him. Over the course of our marriage I had tried all I could do to get him to stop drinking but he never would or even admit he had a drinking problem. So I gave up and went on with my life and remarried. Both of my children were married this summer. My ex showed up intoxicated at my son’s wedding and left right after the ceremony without even saying good bye to my son. My daughter had moved into the other side of the duplex that my ex owned. She was living there with her fiance but my ex had gone off on them last fall and my daughter called the police and had him arrested. She had my mother walk her down the aisle at her wedding because she was still mad at him for his behaviors. He showed up late to her wedding and only stayed a little while thru her reception. The charges from the incident last fall resulted in his facing jailtime. My daughter found him in the garage the next morning after he shot himself. I thought I was over him but this has stirred up so many feelings and memories. We have been divorced for five years but I feel guilty for turning my back on him. I think back on the early years and how happy we were and I cannot understand how it turned out so tragically. I am happy in my new marriage and I feel bad for grieving my ex-husband. My new husband has been supportive but I know it hurts him to see me having such a hard time with this. I tried to explain that I spent half my life married to him and it just hurts to think that maybe I could have done something to prevent this. A couple of weeks before his suicide he had called me and left a voicemail asking me to please call him but I didn’t because I did not want to upset my husband who is very jealous. I feel so bad that I never called him back. He was reaching out to me and I turned my back on him. I always loved him and who he used to be. It is so very hard. When someone kills the self it is a different kind of grief you go through because you think about how alone and hopeless they must have felt to end their own life.

My ex husband and I were married for 7 years and had 3 kids together… he was a really good man actually… he just ended up not being the man for me… I left our marriage so I could be a better mom… we both remarried me in 2015 and him in 2016… I hated his new wife she was a awful person… she had 3 biological children and had lost her parental rights to them. She was jealous of his relationship with our kid’s and made this uncomfortable… in our divorce I was able to get it to where his visitation was at my discretion because between him and his wife they didn’t always make the best or the safest of the decisions and I wasn’t willing to let him risk the well-being in the safety of my kids. So unfortunately as more time went by and chance after chance a visitation little by little he quit taking his. On October 22nd of this year my ex-husband the father of my kids took his own life… the hardest thing I ever had to do in my entire life was sit my children down and tell them that their dad was gone and to look at them and to realize that their life is forever changed. I don’t know how to explain the emotions that I feel I was in shock I was crying every little thing would make me think of him and make me cry watching my kids hurt would make me cry sitting through his funeral felt so surreal I just never expected it to be him he was always so happy and he was such a people pleaser. I’ve tried to understand why now that he’s gone I just keep thinking of the good times and I struggle to remember the bad and I wonder if there’s anything that I could have done differently that could have changed the outcome of his life… what if I had stayed what if I had tried pushing more for him to have a relationship with his kids what do you have then felt like he had more to live for him

It seems in Europe and Western countries no one really cares about marriage. Its all smoking mirrors the wedding is more important than the actual marriage. I am from Africa and I have never met anyone who is divorced in my whole life. Am sure they are but its such a rare thing.

I am sorry but I will never marry an European. The society has taught them to be selfish and care only about themselves so once one party finds something better they move on regardless of kids, hurt or anything else…and I ask myself why even get married in the first place if all it takes is a
little challenge and the entire thing falls apart.

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Well if you can admit you spoke I’ll of your dead husband then you probably said some hurtful things to him as well. He is dead and buried and here you are living your life but still had to drag his name through the mud and as you yourself admitted he wasn’t even that bad a guy.

I don’t know why these guys go all in. You never go all In never. Never trust anyone with your emotions as soon as someone knows you love them they begin to do all they can to make u suffer…am sorry but there are two types of women the ones that take your love and double it and there’s the one who take your love and call you a fool for giving it.