DUI convictions of BF affecting my custody?

Custody
#1

I am so embarrased I have to ask this - but I don’t know what else to do. Long time lurker - first time poster. My bf of a year and a half recently got into an accident and was found to be over the limit for alcohol (not enough to be a felony but enough to detain him in jail). I could give you every reason in the book why - but its not relevant.

He screwed up, he knows he did and understands he will pay for what he did and face the consequences. He had a dui seven years prior. My problem with this situation is ex-h of a year and a half is very vindictive and has made it quite clear he would be more than willing to have our kids full time. (Right now we have joint everything) and it is not an amicable split.

He has a lawyer in the family so running a background check on bf would be no problem if he hasn’t done so already. Bf and I had big plans for the future - but last night he announced if I got any hint ex-h was going to use bf’s history against me he was going to walk away now. Obviously he and I agree my life with my children is first priority but I’m not gonna lie this will be devestating. Do we have a valid reason to be worried?

#2

It depends on how much involvement your bf has in your children’s lives. If you ever have him transport them, then the answer is yes. If you ever leave them in his care, even briefly, the answer is yes. If he lives with you and would be under roof while the children are in your custody, the answer is yes. If you are engaged, the answer is yes. If you will be married, the answer is yes.I had an OWI many years ago, so I’m not shooting from the hip here. This is SERIOUS. As a mother, I would not leave my children in the care of someone who has had two DUI’s in a relatively short period of time. And anything less than ten years is viewed as a relatively short period of time. Your BF has displayed exceedingly poor judgment twice now. This time, he was involved in an accident. Someone was possibly hurt and very well could have been killed! Your ex has EVERY RIGHT to try and exclude this man from your children’s lives. It has nothing to do with being vindictive…it has to do with protecting your children.I’m surprised he hasn’t been court ordered for alcohol abuse assessment. If not yet, he probably will be.I would seriously reevaluate your relationship with your bf. Is he worth risking your kids’ safety over?

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#3

7 years inbetween - but how many times has he driven drunk and just not been caught doing it in that time? your kids come first, period. Sometimes love puts big huge horse blinders on a person - and I think you need to take yours off. If he wants to be in your life, then there has to be no more alcohol in his life - he has to make a choice. He has to go to AA, regardless if it is court ordered or not. If he won’t agree to never touching a drop again - then your big future isn’t so bright because you will lose custody of your kids if you marry this guy and he screws up when he is considered a parental figure in your children’s lives. Be aware of something, a judge will take into consideration the fact that this happened while you were till dating, and if you marry him, and he gets in trouble again - you made a CHOICE to keep him in the kids’ lives…it falls on you not him at that point.

#4

Yep. As Iam said, it depends upon how much involvement he has in the kids’ lives. If you’re living together, it definitely will have an impact.Seems to me that the BF has been around as long as your revised marital status. That tends to make for bad decisions. If you’ve been lurking, you’ve probably seen all kinds of posts and comments about rebound relationships. It could be that you’re in one that’s outlived its usefulness. This may be just the excuse you need to get yourself a better BF - or, better yet, spend some time working on you, which will result in a better BF. His comment to you about leaving if there’s a hint of your ex using his history to go after the kids looks to me like the BF may have been (possibly subconsciously) looking for a way out. Though this is really about the kids’ safety, you’ve said that your ex is vindictive. If I was the vindictive sort, I would certainly use the situation to get to you.