I have an 18 year old daughter, she was 4 when her mother and I split up. I have been with my current girlfriend for a year and a half. My current girlfriend is by no means the first girl my daughter has been introduced to, I was even engaged briefly (but never remarried) after me and her mom went our separate ways. My girlfriend does not have any kids.
Within the past couple months my girlfriend has brought to my attention that she does not like my daughter, mostly because of how my daughter treats her. I was not aware that my daughter was disrespecting my girlfriend. Apparently my daughter says things to her like “you don’t belong here, what are you doing here?” “you shouldn’t be here” or “I live here you don’t” etc. My daughter has never badmouthed my girlfriend to me so I don’t know where this is coming from. I asked my daughter if my gf has ever been mean or rude to her when I’m not present and she said no.
My gf said she usually just leaves the room when my daughter talks like that, now she says she is afraid my daughter knows she can push her around. My girlfriend says it has gotten to the point where she does not even want to come over and spend holidays with me as my daughter will be there and she (gf) does not want to tolerate that behavior. I try to tell her that its teenage attitude and she will outgrow it, but my girlfriend insists it indicates more bad manners than attitude.
It breaks my heart to think of my girlfriend not spending special occasions with me as I want our relationship to evolve and think she may be marriage material one day, but I also cannot tell my daughter not to come around. It is healthy for me to keep these two people separated in order to keep my relationship with both of them or is that only masking the problem?