Do Cheating Spouses ever regret

I have been coming to this site for about1.5 months. When ever I am feeling very lonley or sad, I come here and start to feel a little better. It feels good to know I am not the only one hurting. Some of the advice given here is something I have thought about a lot. I have been married for 11 years. Been with my Cheating SOBH since highschool. We have one son. While I know I am far from perfect I gave him my heart and my soul.

When he told me he was not in love with me anymore I was crushed. When he told me he did not want to be married to me anymore I did not know what to do. We were going through a rough spot (my perception) but I figured we would get throughj it. No marriage is perfect. My friends and family knew there was more to this than I knew and after a lot of support and advice I finally filed in February. Something I don’t think he ever thought I would do. Even though I know leaving is the right thing to do I still regret it.

After he moved out I discovered that he had/has been text messaging a woman he works with since September. I have over 70 pages of text info (one months cell bill). 90% of which is between him and her. I have had this person in my home. Made her dinner. Given her gifts. I also found out that she filed for divorce from her husband of 20+years about the same time I was being informed that he did not want me anymore. I have seen his car at her house and he takes our son over there when he has him. He has not admitted to cheating. Until some things are settled I can’t confromt him either.

My question is this…do they ever regret what they did and wish they could have their spouse back? I know I simply need to focus on my son and me and our future together. I need to move on. But I am so very sad. Somedays I feel as if he not only left me but took my soul and shattered it into a million pieces. I want him to regret and to hurt. I know I am going throuh a greiving process. That does not make it any better though. Thanks for reading and have a good day.

I’m sure I will get a lot of haters for this post, but let me tell you that I already do enough hating on myself… I am the rare ‘cheater’ coming forward and let me just tell you that I live with guilt and regret and hurt every day. Knowing what I did changed not only my life forever, but a man who I loved very much, and the impact it had on both our families is something that can bring me to tears almost on instant. I would give anything to go back and re-do the last months of our relationship and would have tried 1000%. I gave up on things and should have given my all to work on our marriage instead of just throwing it away. My life will never be the same…my soul is forever changed and sad. It has not even been a year since our divorce and I just hope that in time I will be able to forgive myself and change my way of thinking. I don’t know who I was then and why I did it…I was missing some things in my relationship and freaked that this was going to be the rest of my life in unhappiness…I thought it was easier/better to move on and find it somewhere else. I question things every day of my life. I know being on the receiving end is a million times worse. I would take all the hurt away if I could. When I look back on things, it literally feels like my heart shatters and the tears are endless. I am extremely sorry for what I did and wish I could go back to change things.


one of my dear freinds told me something her mother passed on to her and i always try to go back to it when i am hurting.(in a relationship that ends there is always one person who loved the other person more and god help that person when they get hurt)i was cheated on 3 times in 8 years and stayed for the kids wife was a liar and a cheat and if she ever does regret it i wont know about it im sure.but i can tell you you were on the side where you were hurt more and it is extremely hard for me right now and im sure for you.but remember time heals all wounds and one day you will find someone to hopefully love you the way you deserve to be loved.dont become jaded and try to move on and not worry whether he ever regrets it it wont matter in the end.

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I SO understand what you are saying. My husband left under a very similar situation. Still to this day he insists he is not in love with her - just that she is a friend with benefits - which to me is even more disgusting. She is still living with her poor husband & their two small children. My wish was that he would wake up and say WHAT HAVE I DONE? I wanted him to hurt as much as I was hurting. I wanted regret deep in his soul. I wanted him to feel such agony for all he had lost. MOST of all I wanted him to feel intense guilt for how he left me. It took some time for me to see that he wasn’t going to do that. He has disconnected himself in such a way that he cannot see it. I think he does that for survival. I don’t know about your husband - but mine was actually an incredibly decent & loving man. What he is doing now would have been deplorable acts to him before. He had to become someone else in order to justify his actions so he can save himself. I am the casualty along with our marriage. Do I think one day he will regret this? I would like to think that loosing me & our life together would be profound enough that he is going to go - oh bugger! I really made the wrong decision. It will be way too late by then - but even if he can feel that for a fraction of a second - I think it would be good for him. I know I felt as if he took such a part of me with him. It was like going through withdrawal. We were together for 27 years - more than 1/2 my life and I miss him all the time. I know it’s over - but I will always love him. I don’t like what he has done or who he has become - but I am still so happy I had him as my love for those years when they were good. That is what I will carry with me. He hurt me like nothing I have ever experienced. But I will always be happy we were married & shared our life. Even with how it ended.