My husband and his ex have been divorced/separated for almost five years
He was married to her, and knows her family…if there is anyone who knows that trying to defend himself, or anyone for that matter to them is akin to hitting his head against a brink wall…it would be him…if anything he said held any wieght whatsoever, they might still be married. So don’t even ask for or expect it - it isn’t going to happen…and even if it did, it wouldn’t make things any better. I think you are dealing with a case of a mother bear feeling like her ex is trying to replace her as a primary parent…you are FAR too involved in the kids’ day to day lives…and I’m guessing have been since day one (or even before you were legally married) She wants her EX to be the parent - not you…and until that truly starts happening - she is going to cause you problems…so it is time to sit down with your husband and have serious talk about how you are going to change the family dynamic/schedules/responsibility so that HE shows up as the primary care giver of his kids - not you.
I find it interesting that you signed on as I hate his ex and your title is dealing with vindictive ex, but after you explained the situation, the actual question was about your husband–how to get him to stand up to her and defend you?I agree with others that it should be your husband’s responsibility to pick up and drop off his boys. If he is not willing to fight for the time, then that is on him, not you. If you remove yourself from the picture, you will not be abused and will not need to be defended.The fact is, your husband doesn’t want to fight with his ex. If you want to fight in his place, he’s willing to let you. But he’s not going to fight for the kids, and he’s not going to fight for you. So back yourself out of the situation and let the chips fall where they may.
I hate his ex…sounds vindictive on your part. This is a situation only you and him can solve…and my heart goes out to the children…Good luck!!