I find it interesting that you signed on as I hate his ex and your title is dealing with vindictive ex, but after you explained the situation, the actual question was about your husband--how to get him to stand up to her and defend you?I agree with others that it should be your husband's responsibility to pick up and drop off his boys. If he is not willing to fight for the time, then that is on him, not you. If you remove yourself from the picture, you will not be abused and will not need to be defended.The fact is, your husband doesn't want to fight with his ex. If you want to fight in his place, he's willing to let you. But he's not going to fight for the kids, and he's not going to fight for you. So back yourself out of the situation and let the chips fall where they may.