Coparenting: Asking for permission

Relationships
#1

My boyfriend’s exwife took their sons to meet her new beau’s family and they went four-wheeling without a helmet, and my BF was upset about it.

Now the exwife wants to take the kids shooting with her new beau. My BF is upset because he wanted to share this first experience with them and is very uneasy now.

It affects me because they got in a fight right in front of me.

What do the men think about this scenario?

Background: Boys ages 10 and 9, my BF gets them on the weekends, divorced for only a year.

#2

Unfortunately you cannot control what he does on her time l, there will always be disappointing situations, but you cannot dictate what they do when they have kids.

1 Like
#3

He has no say in what the Ex Wife does with her children. I dont believe in asking the other parent for permission to do anything when its that parents time with the kids. So what, they had fun and hes mad about it. Get over it.

#4

Yes, I agree with the others in stating that he doesn’t get a say on what happens during her time just as much as she doesn’t get a say when it is his time with the children. If the roles were reversed and she didn’t want you to do x,y,z with the kids while you had them but it was important to you and your boyfriend to do to bond with the kids…get what I am saying? Unfortunately, your boyfriend will have years of this to deal with. They are relatively newly divorced and lots of adjusting is still needed for all parties. However, if they are on decent terms than an appropriate conversation in concern to his want could produce a more thoughtful co-parenting transition for the children’s sake. And with me saying that, please remember that there has to be a give and a take and it can’t be all one-sided for either party. Example: If she understands about his want to take the kids shooting and holds off for his sake but asks for equal measures in another category that may interfere with your boyfriends and your plans then you will have to be understanding and concede to her wishes as well. With this being a relatively newly divorced experience for both of them it isn’t just about the kids solely. It also has a bit of resentment for the new boyfriend and the ex also. It is natural to have displaced feelings when a new partner enters into the picture regardless of your current personal relationship. It may confuse him that he feels this way and he may never even admit to it, but it weighs in on his reactions. (Same goes for her)