Confused

It’s been 14 months since my wife left me. And nothings been finalized. We see each other often and when we speak she tells me the things she was doing in the marriage to damage it she is no longer doing and realizes how her actions hurt me. However she doesnt want to try and save the marriage even though she says our marriage is all she ever wanted. The pain of all this to much at times as i continue to lose motivation. I dont want to just exist.

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