Confused by my husband

Relationships
#1

Hi all, I am new to this and I know I have never told my whole story, but I need advice on what is going on currently in my relationship. My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years. Every time we get in an argument he turns to divorce; however, he usually does nothing about it and we continue on as though it was never said.

More recently, since our last argument, about a month ago things have been very distant between my husband and I. He as taken his weding ring off, he is sleeping on the couch, and there has been nothing physical between us at all. We are both currently going to our own therapy sessions to work through our own issues before we can work on our issues together. What I don’t understand is that he tells me that he does love me, however, he does not want to dive back into our relationship because we keep going through this vicious cycle of having a few good months and then fighting. We have gone through this about 4 times over the past 8 months. I can understand wanting to take it slow and rebuilding our relationship, what I don’t understand is why sleep on the couch, or not wear your ring, or even be able to hold my hand.

Why is there nothing? I love my husband more than anything, and I don’t want a divorce, but I am scared that is the direction that he is heading.

#2

BIG RED FLAG! Anyone who threatens divorce anytime there is a disagreement is actively engaging in emotional abuse.He’s abusing you.R.

#3

The old hooking up on Facebook scenario, huh? I tell you, that seems to be very commonplace lately, but here’s the deal…When you share yourself intimately with another person besides your spouse, you are taking away resources from your marriage. Even if it’s only an emotional affair. In my book it’s still infidelity.It sounds like he is still intertwined with this, or some other, person. His behavior isn’t indicative of someone who is trying to save their marriage.

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#4

I’m going to say something that’s really going to hurt, but it is a possiblity you have to consider…He’s not wearing his wedding ring, he’s sleeping on the couch, no physical contact…chances are he’s already replaced you with someone else. If he’s willing, get into marriage counseling. If he’s not willing to go to counseling, get a lawyer.Hope things work out for you.

#5

Yes, he is. It’s what I did. It only gets worse. There is no need to catch him. Protect yourself.

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#6

Agree with the above. Real big red flags! Peace…

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#7

I am in your shoes and living the chaotic lifestyle that follows this behavior…

Our the past 4 years my husband has slowly ‘de prioritize’ our relationship and marriage as a result of the next crisis, another work issue, forgotten appointments, really anything. He promised to keep our relationship as his number 1 priority but his actions don’t support the promise.

Is it a mind game every day but he looovees me and is not seeing anyone??

#8

He is abusing you emotionally and is trying to make you suffer for whatever serious personal issues that he has. He is probably taking out his frustration of life and all his personal problems (possibly issues of the current marriage as well) on you instead of dealing with things in a more mature way. He probably thinks you woukd never do anything to hurt him so now his attention is probably on someone else or porn…thats why he can’t sleep in the same bed. He loves his phone and his personal space right now more than he realizes he might actually love being with you.
Give him a wake up call and call his bluff and tell him that divorce might be the best thing. See if his actions changes. If it does not, then pursue divorce after you give him some time to make adjustments. He is capitalizing on the fact that you still want him. Maybe is suffering from depression. Just give him a wake up call

#9

He’s already in, at least, an emotional relationship. Same thing happened to me. Next thing i know he told me he wanted a divorce. Refused counseling. He’s been seeing a coworker. Said he didnt start dating her until 3 mths after telling me he wanted out. Load of bunk. He never took his ring off. That should have been my first clue. I believed him when he said it was to tight. We are now leally separated. Its been 3 yrs. I miss him every single day. He’s still dating her, but she has yet to be allowed to move in with him. I’m sure it is coming, as we only signed the legal separation papers today. Good luck to you.

#10

This is me but the other way around. I am the one that keeps bringing up separation but it is because he keeps making promises that he never keeps and I’m tired. We are barely intimate anymore there’s no dinners no movies no nothing. He just wants to go to work come home and love his house. I really don’t believe he’s seeing anyone, but I know it could be emotional. It does take two to save the marriage. Stay strong and be true to yourself.