I am "the other woman". I didn't know he was married but his reaction, and his wife's reaction to my becoming pregnant would say otherwise. Judging by their actions, my child is hated by her father and his wife. After not one--but two DNA tests, one court ordered and then--to add insult to injury, a private one because he didn't "trust me": I have had to pursue support in which he pays me now, but is about 13k behind. She "bartered" with me through him to try and get me to lower the estimated support amount THE MORNING OF THE HEARING. I was so insulted and disgusted that my child was just seen as an expense rather than a person--who's father says he wants zero time sharing with her. He has never asked to meet her. I have sent pictures (in an effort to "nurture a relationship" per my lawyer) to which I have received messages cussing me out in the past--and are now just ignored. His wife calls her "the affair child" instead of by her name. Despite our court order barring third party interference regarding discussing our child's care--she consistently responds to the emails I send addressed to her husband. I was told by her that they have agreed I am not to communicate directly with my child's father regarding our child's care, despite our order specifically mentioning our need for civil cooperation regarding communication. I am exhausted of every communication becoming a challenge to fight (I have not been successfully baited into one of those since before our support hearing in October). I am also constantly reminded that though I didn't know he was married--I chose to keep the baby after I found out he was married. Which is laughable as 1) her husband knew I was on no birth control, and 2) knew that I did not believe that abortion was the choice for me EVER. They remain married--to which I feel if you can accept and forgive the person who was to be faithful to you and uphold your vows, your "for better or worse" then you should include the innocent child involved that is also a part of him. There are truly some evil people in this world. And I don't and might not ever understand some of their motives. I am torn between trying to facilitate something down the road--for my daughters sake. So I can tell her i did everything I could. I wish his wife would give him the opportunity to think and feel of his own accord without the insecurity that it will drive him away from her--regarding our child and him having a relationship. But they are sick people, and I honestly am mostly relieved that he gave me full legal and physical of her. He has 3 other children. A 14 year old daughter with his girlfriend from high school that he has also never met. An 8 year old daughter with his ex wife (who he cheated on). And a 5 year old daughter with his current wife.
What is the "right" thing to do in this case? I am not perfect. I was extremely naive and slept with someone I should've vetted way longer...I have taken p that end of my responsibility. I also admittedly have said some hurtful things to both of them in defense of myself and of my child--before she was born. He also continues to lie to his wife about certain aspects surrounding how we met. I don't care to "out him" anymore. I just want to be given the chance to discuss with him over the phone everything that has transpired over the last two years--so that we can start with a clean slate moving forward. Without her constant interjecting. She is 38 years old and her insecurities of being cheated on cannot trump our child's care. I am 25--Yes, I am young, but I am not immature enough to think we will pursue some type of relationship outside our parenting roles. He is my child's father. That is IT. In her defense, this is not the first time he has cheated on her either. That isn't my fault or my daughters! She monitors his email, his texts, his phone calls, everything. How can I try and talk with him civilly if hes constantly trying to prove his loyalty to her and she's constantly trying to play "alpha dog"...?