It’s fun to take kids on trips and do things outside of the normal routines. But when children live with divorced parents who are not planning itineraries together, it can become a bit more complicated. What should you consider as a co-parent?
Well, imagine you are the parent who does not have visitation with the children right now and you receive a phone call from an emergency room somewhere letting you know that one of your children has just been admitted for an injury. Yikes, you did not even know they were anywhere near the hospital that is calling, let alone out of town. This is a drastic example. However, imagine the panic that naturally arises in parents when they do not know where their children are and need to get to them in a hurry.
Did you ever find yourself having similar questions about your children when they lived with you, went to a friend’s house and did not come home when planned? It is a natural thing for parents to be concerned about where their children are. Yet many times, during divorce, it seems one or the other parent forgets this fact and frames the other parent’s wishes to know where the children are as an attempt to control. Let’s consider this problem with some basic guidelines that encourage respect for both parents.
First and foremost, the majority of parents who are divorced still share legal responsibility for all of their children. This means that any time a child needs medical attention, enrollment in activities and schools, or permission from an adult, both parents must participate in the decision making. So, if a child is going to be on a trip, each parent needs to have an itinerary of where the child will be, along with contact information for other adults who will be responsible for that child while traveling. In addition, the adult traveling with the child should have dependable contact information for the parent not traveling with the child so that in any emergency, both parents can be contacted quickly.
The other thing that helps with travel is to plan ahead. Sure, there will be times when things come up suddenly, are great ideas, and should be taken advantage of. However, for the most part, traveling with children is best done with preparation. This means there is time to notify the other parent and provide necessary information about the trip. Even for sudden opportunities, no child should go out of town without both parents agreeing to the travel and knowing exactly where the child will be and how to reach them. This is really just common courtesy and respect for the other parent.
A shared calendar, which most families can access on the Internet, is a wonderful planning tool. It can allow both parents and the children to see what events are coming up, to share notes and ideas, to incorporate pertinent information, and to update readily anything that is necessary for travel planning. If an online calendar is not something that works for you, a paper one works too and each page can be copied and shared with both parents as often as necessary to keep the information flowing.
One day the kids will be grown, and you will both look back with fondness on the trips you took and shared with them. Wouldn’t it be nice for your children to feel that both their parents appreciated the opportunities they had, and made certain they felt support and connection from each of you during their travels, even when one parent was not on that particular trip?
