The Science of a Peaceful Divorce
Research shows that divorce is the second most stressful event of life. After settling more divorces than anyone else in the country, the team at Wevorce got to work figuring out the science of a peaceful divorce. We identified the top five factors that mean the difference between a peaceful uncoupling and an all-out war.
Top 5 Things That Cause Divorce Explosions (Even In A Peaceful Divorce)
- How you start your divorce
- When and what you tell your friends and family
- What you post on social media
- Removing wedding rings
- Discussing dating
Even more importantly, our pros have some great advice on how you can handle each of these delicate situations and avoid Divorce Explosions.
1. Starting a Peaceful Divorce
Your divorce is not a legal problem – it just has legal implications.
If you treat your divorce like a legal problem, a lawyer will prepare a complaint, file it with the court, and have your spouse served publically. Holy smokes! That is an awful way to find out your marriage is ending, and it always ignites a Divorce Explosion.
If you instead use your divorce as an opportunity to redefine your relationship, no one is surprised and no lawyers are needed. Our data shows us that on average, the initiator (person starting the divorce conversation) has been thinking about divorce for over 18 months before they begin the divorce process. They feel they have tried everything they can think of to fix their marriage. Ultimately, they choose divorce because they don’t know what else to do.
If you’re ready to initiate your divorce, please be a peaceful initiator. A peaceful initiator talks to their spouse about addressing change together, working through disagreements calmly, and avoiding blame. They seek out a supportive, like-minded team of professionals who align with their desire for a peaceful divorce.
2. Creating a Sacred Space
Many peaceful divorces have been derailed by friends and family members. Divorce is one of those words that brings up strong emotions and a lot of unsolicited opinions. Very few people can keep their thoughts to themselves and hold a space for you to have your own experience.
Before you start letting others in on what your family is experiencing, spend some time defining your divorce on your own terms. Then talk to your spouse about how they want to define their divorce experience. Creating a Peace Pact is a proven way to create a more peaceful divorce. Write your own Peace Pact by logging into your Wevorce.com account. There, the two of you can define what you are comfortable sharing with friends and family about your divorce. You don’t have to tell everyone at once – it’s really none of their business.
A peaceful divorce is a sacred space for you, your spouse, and your kids. The more time you and your spouse have to define and live the divorce experience you want – without other people’s input – the more likely you are to have a peaceful divorce.
3. Peaceful Posting
One out of eight Divorce Explosions are caused by social media posts. It seems like common sense to not publically post about your divorce, but unfortunately it’s not. In fact, so many Divorce Explosions are caused by social media that it is a good time to just take a vacation from it. At the very least, please be mindful of the pictures you post and the things you say to all of the people watching your public profile – or who could view it in the future.
4. Removing Rings
Wedding rings are powerful symbols of your commitment to each other, so don’t take them lightly even if you’re in the process of a divorce. You may be surprised by how many Divorce Explosions are caused by someone taking off their ring before discussing it with their spouse. Your naked ring finger, with it’s often well-defined tan line, is a message to the world that you are a free agent. A naked ring finger can cause even more uproar than the social media posts we talked about above. So talk to your spouse first – it’s the respectful thing to do. Remember that the less surprises in a divorce, the more peaceful the process.
Need help getting the conversation started? Go to WeDiamonds.com to learn about donating your ring to help us end child homelessness.
5. Discussing Dating
Four out of ten Divorce Explosions are ignited by feelings of betrayal. Repeat after me: “I respect my spouse enough to talk to them about when it is appropriate to start dating.” Some couples are fine dating during their divorce process, but most prefer to wait until the divorce is finalized. There is no right or wrong here, so long as you talk about it first, you can feel good about your decision. But if you surprise your spouse with the news that you’ve been seeing someone else, you are guaranteed to have a Divorce Explosion on your hands.
A peaceful divorce is housed in respect for each other, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard. Redefine your relationship peacefully, respectfully, and kindly by writing your own Peace Pact with your spouse. Identify and agree to the rules of your divorce so you both have clarity as you begin again – explosion free.