“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, and all good things will be yours.” ~Swedish proverb
The holidays are here! If you’re like most families, there is a Christmas tree in your home now bedecked with ornaments, the mantel is decorated, and the lights are strung. For many, it is the most wonderful time of the year.
But for some, the pressure to spend may dampen this season of cheer, especially for families in transition. At Wevorce, we’ve found Christmastime to be especially difficult for moms and dads in the process of separation or divorce. In addition to the emotional implications that come with marital changes (it’s not easy to have your first Christmas without your spouse), household income is typically halved and expenses are doubled. Instead of one big family Christmas, each household requires its respective tree, decorations, and gifts — a challenge for co-parents with limited budgets. It’s no wonder that, for families affected by divorce, monetary concerns become especially acute during the holidays.
However, by celebrating with less, many families have learned to observe the holidays with even more intention and, most importantly, with more love. Here are some specific suggestions to help your family prevent overspending while finding more meaning this holiday season.
Think Experiences Over Purchases
Even if you feel the pressure to buy everything on your little one’s list (don’t worry, most parents do), try to provide them experiences they’ll value forever — over toys to break and clothes to outgrow. While opening gifts from under the tree is a quintessential part of the Christmas experience, over the long-term, most children will appreciate memories made over wrapped presents. So, while it may sound cliché, try to remember your reason for the season. For many adults, it’s about spending time with loved ones. As your children grow up, they’ll likely look back at these times fondly, too. And that’s what will stay with a child, not the latest toy or game system.
Why not make this the year you go Christmas caroling with your new family unit? Many cities offer a number of free holiday-related activities and opportunities to enjoy the season’s festivities, too. Consider attending a local holiday parade, observing the lighting of the town’s Christmas tree, or attending a holiday service at a non-denominational church.
Buy Smarter
If your budget is limited, it may be helpful to avoid certain stores or areas of town that tempt you to overspend during the holiday season. Also, consider making purchases online. Some retailers offer the same merchandise at cheaper prices via their website than in-store.
When purchasing holiday décor, consider purchasing gently used items at a local thrift store. Or, why not have a holiday décor swap? You might even want to host a secondhand gift exchange or white elephant party. Part of the fun of such an event can be found in shopping for the most giggle-worthy, absurd gift item.
Also, picking up a tree just a few weeks later than normal can mean considerable cost savings. In some areas, it’s more affordable to purchase a permit and drive to a nearby forest and cut down your own tree. Add some hot cocoa with peppermint stick stirrers and Christmas cookies (that you and the kids make, of course) and you have a fun family outing for all. Maybe even one that becomes a tradition in your household.
Implement Gift Guidelines or Price Caps
If you fear a limited budget might stand in your way of a holly, jolly Christmas, it may be helpful to rethink your approach. Why not consider instituting a limit to the number of gifts required or setting a price cap? One busy mom and business owner explains how her family has scaled back, and the benefits they’ve enjoyed:
“Holidays can get out of control. So we only do four gifts: a want, a need, a wear, and a read. It prevents mindless buying and overspending,” explains Alicia Cassarino, a self-professed over-shopper and spender. “We’ve done this for about eight years now and it’s so fun. You really have to put thought into it, and darn it, that’s what gift giving should be about. Plus, if I got my family all of their wants for Christmas, I’d be so broke, and would go crazy buying them everything that looked somewhat interesting.”
Have a Handmade Holiday
For moms and dads who find themselves newly single during the holidays, it can be difficult to financially sustain elaborate celebrations of Christmases past. Creating handmade gifts can be a welcome reprieve from the flurry to stuff stockings and boxes full of store-bought items. Lovingly made gifts reflect thoughtfulness and attention to detail, and often make their recipients feel quite special.
You can even make your own wrapping paper using recycled newspaper, twine, and homemade stamps. The possibilities are endless. If creativity isn’t your strong suit, there are plenty of online tutorials you can find for inspiration. By including your children in these simple, fun activities, you are also modeling important life lessons that will be helpful when they are adults.
Remember the Joy of Giving
Adjusting to a new family dynamic often requires some creativity, especially when it comes to establishing new traditions. (This will be discussed further in our next blog post: Rekindling JOY: Creating New Traditions for Happier Holidays.) What better time to incorporate opportunities for helping others than when planning your holiday calendar? Wevorce often advocates for such activities to help shift our focus away from our own problems. Your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter may need additional assistance during the cold winter months. Why not start there? And, again, don’t forget the kids — give them a small budget to spend on a new toy to donate to Toys for Tots.
Cassarino, mentioned earlier, talked about a new tradition her family is starting this year: “We are also doing a household ‘giving advent’ where every day for the month of December we have to put an item we own in the box that can be donated to someone in need. It helps us to simplify what we have and at the same time, give to others.”
Perhaps the most important thing to remember over the holiday season is a spirit of thankfulness — which can be difficult, but well worth the effort. As ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu once said, “Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”
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Stay tuned for the following upcoming articles in our blog series: Divorce and the Holidays: A Wevorce Survival Guide.
Part 2: Rekindling JOY: Creating New Traditions for Happier Holidays
Part 3: Keeping the PEACE: Navigating Relationships with the Ex and In-Laws
Part 4: Finding HOPE: A New Year, a New You, and a New eBook from Wevorce
