Once a couple with children decides to divorce, holidays take on new meaning. Time away to see something new or visit distant friends and family, now present a challenge. Where a family once planned these activities together, now there are two sets of schedules to consider.
Planning vacation time when there are multiple schedules involved can be overwhelming. School calendars, work requirements, and access to the things you want to see and do are all part of the planning. While most parenting plans filed with the courts require some cursory division of holidays, actual holiday planning usually takes a bit more work. Simply assigning time on a parenting plan does not take into consideration common communications that also need to occur.
One of the most easily available tools of today is a commonly shared online calendar. Each parent, and even older children, can enter information about activities and events, giving everyone a way to see details that each household is working around. It also provides an overview of open times, which may or may not coincide with a parent’s scheduled leave. Making sure the calendar is current with information is a joint task, and if done, can save much headache around planning. This way travel plans can be made with full consideration of other activities. It also provides an opportunity for building in flexibility for travel when both parents can see open times and figure out if those times might work for a trip. A request for special time like this can be easier to think about when everyone can see how it would fit into their busy lives.
Other things that can be kept in the calendar are details about where and with whom the children may be traveling, along with contact information at each place. No parent likes that phone call telling them that a child is injured or sick. It helps to reassure the parent who is not traveling to know where the children will be and how to reach them quickly if needed.
It takes a bit of effort and a commitment to keep information current, and having the big picture becomes a smoother way to make decisions about traveling. Sharing this information allows parents to look ahead and make plans that keep the entire family informed. The last addition might be an agreement about how you ask for time that may not be allocated in your parenting plan, or how to add in trips you know might worry the other parent. Some calendars allow you to “invite” another person to an event and provide space to write a note in the invite. This allows the other person to respond in writing, recognizing the request, and letting the other parent know if it is “ok” or if there are questions. Something in writing with the most advanced notice possible is a reasonable way to communicate about vacation opportunities that arise, and having the requests be part of the calendar can help everyone decide if the plan might work.
It’s great to share special times and trips with our children. Scheduling events in a way that all can see and consider can make them easier in families that have split from one household into two.
