“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” Alice Walker
Tall buildings are constructed to move a little in high winds; the flexibility actually makes them stronger and more able to withstand the forces of nature.
Flexibility is also important in separation and divorce, especially in today’s markets. Today, real estate investments are depressed and financial investments are volatile, making the division of those assets difficult, according to a recent Wall Street Journal article, Divorce: Who Wants the House?, by Kelly Greene.
Greene’s article talks about risk sharing, timing and dispute resolution processes other than litigation. She says experts urge couples to come to terms outside of court in ways that are objectively fair. Usually this means negotiating, a process many divorcing women don’t feel is possible.
Erica (not her real name), a recent divorcee, says she and her husband negotiated everything; courts decided nothing. It was easier, she found, to base decision making on shared interests such as the welfare of children, and to start with whatever rights the parties currently have rather than a blank slate.
Flexibility in negotiation depends, in part, on trusting the process. Many people don’t feel they have much power or strength in negotiation, but their perceived weakness is usually an illusion, especially if one can remain flexible and not treat the situation as do-or-die. Flexibility in negotiation comes from understanding that nothing will be taken that you don’t allow to be taken, and that confidence grows from understanding the other person’s point of view.
