About Faith: Why Read Divorce Advice from a Married Christian Chaplain?

Why should you read a spiritual column written by a guy who’s remained married for 28 years and never come close to divorce?Well, if you’ve bothered to read this second sentence, you’ll see a few reasons. First, I’m a full-time interfaith hospital chaplain and a Protestant chaplain with the Air National Guard 30 days a year. As a chaplain, I talk to scores of folks about life and death issues without pushing religious agendas.I do this by hearing and working with the spiritual traditions belonging to the patient or soldier. I also try to carry this same technique into my writing.

Like many of the patients I’ve visited, I find that people experiencing divorce or contemplating divorce are in the grip of grief. Most of you will be familiar with the stages of grief identified by the famed psychologist Elizabeth Kabler-Ross as:

1. Denial: The initial stage: “This can’t be happening.”

2. Anger: “Why ME? It’s not fair!” (either referring to God, oneself, or your mate perceived, rightly or wrongly, as “responsible”)

3. Bargaining: “Just let this marriage last until my child(ren) graduate.”

4. Depression: “This is so pathetic or sad, it’s not worth the trouble.

5. Acceptance: “It’s going to be OK.”

Thinking of these stages in the context of divorce gives us a framework to understand divorce. Additionally, those working through divorce can know abuse, rejection, betrayal, and whether they want to or not, forgiveness. Yet, none of these issues are limited to divorce ““ they are found in the problems of everyday life.

This leads me to the other reason why you should read this column.

This column will deal with “Spirituality in Everyday Life” by no coincidence, the title I use in my weekly syndicated news column with Gannett News Service. The column will not be limited to divorce talk,” it will deal with spiritual issues. While spirituality may include some religion, spirituality should encompass all areas of life. And that’s what I want to talk about, life with no rules, no limits, just life issues.

Finally, most of us who write like to think that we do so without obvious bias. The truth is all writers have a bias,“ especially when writing a spiritual column. As a reader you may find it helpful to know that I come from an Evangelical tradition. I now consider myself a Liberal Evangelical. However, as a chaplain, I open myself to hearing those of all faiths and even those of no faith.

In my role as a hospital chaplain, I’ve wrapped crystals to wrists, placed healing blankets on the bed, placed garlic under the bed, turned the bed in a healing direction and burned incense beside the bed. In doing these things, I have found that the Christian hope of “peace on earth and good will toward men” is inclusive in all faiths. I honor all faiths, but as a reader, you’ll need to understand that it is the Christian tradition whose stories I best know and whose truths I may best communicate.

My prayers for your learning and your journey are with you as you read. And in the words often repeated in Alcoholics Anonymous, Easy Does It; Do the Next Right Thing; Progress not Perfection, and One Day at a Time.”