Money Manager vs. Non-Money Manager
Recently, on the Wevorce blog, we opened up a conversation about Divorce Archetype profiles and offered a preview of groundbreaking research we’ve compiled over recent years. This post continues our series: Divorce Archetype™ Profiles Uncovered. Today, we explore the Money Manager and Non-Money Manager Archetype profiles.
Money. It’s a topic that can present challenges in any marriage. In fact, according to Pat Regneir and Amanda Gengler’s article for MONEY, “Men, women … and money,” it causes even more arguments than sex or the in-laws. They review some of the facts from a MONEY survey and find financial issues frequently present conflict between couples — seven in ten to be exact.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that stress and money often go hand-in-hand. So how do you handle an already hot topic when you’ve decided to get a divorce — where you will suddenly find yourself faced with an overwhelming amount of paperwork and must delve into the financial aspects of your marriage like a forensic scientist?
If you’re the one who’s handled your finances during the marriage, this might not strike as much fear in your heart as it may the spouse who has relied solely upon your money management skills all these years. Either way, you both will be faced with the difficult task of navigating a stressful, sometimes complex topic.
When you begin the process of divorce, the law requires that you provide full disclosure of all assets and debts acquired during your marriage. For couples who haven’t been married long, this may not be hard, but for couples who have been married for many years, untangling finances isn’t as easy. If you fall into this category, you may want to consider getting professional help to sort out and provide a clear and concise history of your marital money situation.
In a previous article for weLife, we talked about examining your personal relationship and patterns with money:
“We all handle money differently, have different senses of what is normal. They say opposites attract, and often this runs true to the Divorce Archetype profiles as well. This can prove to be a conundrum for couples striving to achieve financial harmony. But by identifying patterns, you can better find solutions.
“Each Divorce Archetype™ profile ;will have their own unique way in which to handle finances. Each will vary in their priorities, each will look for solutions to problems singular to their own way of thinking. Savers feel broke even with dollars in their pockets. Spenders place happiness on the experience and can grow to depend on it as therapy. Some are okay with debt, some aren’t.”
In an effort to better understand money-related Divorce Archetype profiles, we have divided them into three classifications: Money Manager vs. Non-Money Manager, Income Earner vs. Income Supporter, and Saver vs. Spender.
Profile: Money Manager
As the marital Money Manager, you are the prime, if not sole, administrator of the household budget. You pay the bills or hire someone who does. You keep track of all the account information and prepare the yearly tax returns or work directly with others (advisors, accountants, tax preparers) who handle your family’s finances.
When faced with divorce and the financial aspects it entails, you will most likely be prepared and confident, having already been involved with your household financial planning. You will often know exactly where to find all the information or paperwork needed to start and complete the divorce process. You will have a firm understanding of your assets and debts and be ready to negotiate an equitable agreement.
As a Money Manager, it will be important to realize your spouse may not know much about this topic and may also be insecure when it comes to this stage of the divorce agreement. When discussing your finances, it is helpful if you can be sympathetic and patient, perhaps even giving them time to learn and prepare to become their own Money Manager after divorce. Full transparency is the best way to alleviate such inequities in knowledge and reach an amicable solution.
Profile: Non-Money Manager
If your spouse has handled your finances during your marriage, managing the household budget and bill paying, this means you fall into the Non-Money Manager profile. You likely have not actively participated in these activities, may have little or no access to financial account information, and possibly do not know the professionals he or she works with to handle the family finances.
Because you’ve had little to do with your family’s financial planning, you may feel unprepared and uncertain about the process of determining and dividing your finances fairly. Do not mistake these insecurities as powerlessness. You may not know much about this topic, but you can learn.
You will want to request and expect full transparency from your spouse if he/she is the one who will be providing all of the financial data and documents needed to reach a financial settlement. It’s a good time to ask questions and learn the details behind your marital finances and prepare yourself for becoming the Money Manager of your own life after divorce. Seek professional assistance if needed to help you sort out complex matters along the way.
Divorce and Finances
Whether you are the Money Manager or Non-Money Manager, you will need to have a clear idea of your finances. Without a firm understanding of your finances you won’t be able to make sound decisions about dividing your community (marital) property — decisions that will affect both of you in the future. Your first step will be to learn if you live in a community property state or one where the principle of equitable distribution applies.
For many couples, rounding up your many financial documents can be overwhelming, but don’t despair. Here are some examples of the documents and records you’ll need, as provided in a weLife article on divorce and finances.
“… Bank statements, mortgage accounts, automobile loans or titles, credit card statements, student loans, investment and retirement/pension accounts. You’ll need current and past tax returns, life insurance policies, and real estate deeds. If either of you own a business, you will need all related financial documents, operating agreements, etc. You may find this information as paper copies or electronic, some documents may be stored in a safe deposit box.
“Find the legal descriptions for real estate, and fair market value assessment or appraisals. You need the year, make, model and market value for all vehicles. Investments may include valuable collections and don’t forget the value of less tangible things like airline miles. Current pay stubs and social security income records, as well as any wills, trusts, past divorce decrees or premarital/separate property agreements are essential. It’s a long list, but you need to locate anything pertinent to your financial history as a married couple.”
Some great tips to consider are:
- DO create a post-divorce financial plan.
- DO learn how to handle money.
- DO make sure all the assets and debts you get in the divorce have all the correct information on them.
- DON’T own real estate jointly.
- DON’T allow sentiment or love for an ex-spouse cloud your judgment.
- DON’T make any big financial decisions or purchases fresh off of divorce.
Look for more on money-related Divorce Archetype profiles
Today we’ve taken a look at the first of the money-related Divorce Archetype profiles: Money Manager and Non-Money Manager. Next up will be Income Earner and Income Supporter; look for it on weLife soon.
Whatever your profiles, divorce comes loaded with financial matters. But with guidance, you can approach them in a confident and knowledgeable manner. You may each be going your own way, but by working together with honest communication and open disclosure of the community/marital finances you built together, you both can do so with a sound foundation to start over.
Divorce Archetype Profiles in Review
Initiator vs Reactor (Influencers)
Every divorce will have an Initiator (one who has reached their breaking point) and Reactor (one who isn’t ready to face it). The only variant may be when an additional archetypal layer is added by an affair, during which delicate emotions may seem to be wrapped in barbed wire.
Dependents
The Dependent ;is rather self-explanatory; if you had children, or adopted children during your marriage and they are still legally in your care, you fall under this profile.
Happily Even After vs. Solo
The Happily Even After profiles describe couples who want to work together to keep divorce amicable. The couples who can’t agree on whether or not to get a divorce, or the terms of a divorce fall under the Solo profile.
Traffic Lights
The Traffic Lights profiles signify the readiness of each spouse during the divorce process. These profiles, which correspond with literal traffic signals, are as follows: Red Light (also referred to as Positional), Honeystuck, and Green Light.
When the Positional/Red Light profile is involved, these couples are often unable to agree on most things.
In the Honeystuck profile, a spouse may have days when he or she feels ready to move forward — and days when divorce seems impossible to face. There are also variations to this profile: Gas and Break, Parent/Child and Driverless.
The Green Light profile describes couples who have been wrestling with the decision to divorce for a while, but are now ready to part ways and move on to the next chapter of their lives.
Find more information about the Divorce Archetype profiles here.
